


Break-Even

by arealrowdydirtyboy



Series: Unforseen Circumstances [2]
Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Blow Jobs, Canon-Typical Violence, Hand Jobs, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, M/M, Naked Cuddling, Romantic Gestures
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-25
Updated: 2020-09-09
Packaged: 2021-03-06 18:14:51
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 23,778
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26113249
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/arealrowdydirtyboy/pseuds/arealrowdydirtyboy
Summary: a collection of one-shot occurrences set chronologically after the events of my previous fic, Dealer, in which Hisoka and Illumi now live together in a shared apartment complex.some chapters will be short ficlets and future ones will be much longer and advance the plot of the series. this can be read without reading the first part, but since it is a continuation, it will probably be best to read the first fic so that things don't get confusing (or feel too OOC?) ! (some chapters may be two-parters if they get too long lol)
Relationships: Hisoka/Illumi Zoldyck
Series: Unforseen Circumstances [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1896040
Comments: 33
Kudos: 274





	1. Frozen Yogurt

Illumi had been living with Hisoka for no longer than two months now. He had been assigned on a mission that would take a total of five, and Illumi was starting to believe it really would take that long. He had received the details two months ago, and he was no closer to completing his mission than he was weeks ago. 

A long-lived, long-lasting, incredibly grueling and slow stake-out, where he’d carefully monitor the movements of the CEO of a pharmaceutical drug company in Yorkshin who was suspected by union workers of being a corrupt money launderer who used the drug company to hide his otherwise shady second-hand operations, as well as often receiving kickbacks and abusing his position to mistreat and underpay his employees. 

It was not an assassination mission. Illumi was to monitor and track the CEO until he could gain enough insight about the man’s second-hand under the table operations and find the source of income he was using the drug company as a money-laundering cover-up for. It was a relatively simple mission, with Illumi going out every morning to stalk the man’s movements, record his daily operations, and slowly compile data of the funds that would go into the drug company versus how much _should_ be gained. 

The mission would be finished after Illumi gained enough data to sell to the union workers to effectively expose the CEO of his criminal activity. Illumi thought vaguely, how it’d be much easier simply killing the man, but he would not question his mission or the motives of his clients in hiring a renown family of assassins to go on a mission that didn’t require assassination, only data collection.

Illumi sighed, laying flat on the couch of the apartment complex he and Hisoka shared. It was approaching nighttime and Illumi had just returned an hour ago from another day of scouting, inspecting, tracking, boring work he wouldn’t ever admit aloud to disliking for the sake of maintaining the integrity of the Zoldyck name. 

Hisoka quirked a brow at him, from the other end of the couch. Illumi’s legs were draped across Hisoka’s lap as he sat lazy and placid, watching TV silently in gray sweatpants and a basic cotton light pink T-shirt, hair falling over his eyes in a messy sweep of red.

“Bad day?”

It wasn’t a bad day on his mission. He had actually gotten a lead of where the second-hand income was coming from and managed to get the bank funds that proved a discrepancy in the CEO’s involvement with other business conflicting with the money gained from the pharmaceutical company he ran. An incredibly successful progression. 

Illumi didn’t answer, only closed his eyes and exhaled from his nose.

“Hmm, you’re bored, then.”

Hisoka had become good at reading Illumi-- something he wouldn’t admit to Hisoka out loud. It had taken weeks before Illumi had finally acknowledged it himself. He finally did admit it, one day when Illumi was lazing on the couch and watching a commercial advertising a pancake brand, eyes fixed and focused and expressionless as he stared. 

He had only barely stuck his tongue out to run it across the inside of his top lip when Hisoka disappeared into the kitchen and minutes later emerged holding a plate of pancakes with two bottles of maple syrup on the side with a knowing smirk of a smile. Illumi had only responded by staring at Hisoka, accepting the stack handed to him, and giving him a single slow blink.

Illumi didn’t respond to Hisoka’s accurate analysis of his mood. Only crossed his arms with his eyes still closed. Hisoka chuckled at the show of defiance at being caught, squeezing Illumi’s legs on top of his lap. 

“Want to go somewhere?” Hisoka asked. When Illumi still didn’t respond, Hisoka added with a drawl, “I’ll let you pour the cup yourself this time.”

Illumi’s eyes shot open. 

“I do not need your permission to pour the cup myself.”

Illumi didn’t have to admit that one to himself-- he already knew what happened last time he went to Yogurtland with Hisoka. 

It resulted in their permanent ban from the establishment when Illumi had been pouring yogurt in his cup, and continued to pour frozen yogurt into his cup, expressionless and unblinking even as the yogurt went up and up and up. Hisoka watching amused at first then with horror as Illumi would not stop until the yogurt nearly reached half his height. 

The employees looked like they were about to collapse when Illumi casually walked up to the cashier and put his cup on the weighing station, gracing a small smile and otherwise unfazed that the laws of physics were being broken by the fact the yogurt did not fall despite having reached the height of a small child.

Illumi did not need to be told that they would probably not be returning to another frozen yogurt establishment, or would only be returning under the condition that Hisoka would pour it for him. However, the look of astonishment and mild horror on Hisoka’s face was enough for Illumi to make the trip worth it. He had not said anything on the short walk back to their apartment, but Hisoka looked at Illumi’s neutral but overly satisfied face with a deadpanned expression of his own.

Hisoka tapped his legs and brought them off his lap, getting up from the couch with an airy, “Of course.” He reached out his hand, and Illumi took the offered hand even though he didn’t need it, and got up after Hisoka. 

Then he turned to Hisoka, unamused, who looked back at Illumi with a bright, faux-innocent grin when he realized his hand was stuck holding on to Hisoka’s with bungee gum. Illumi sighed but didn’t complain, and they walked out the apartment hand-in-hand off into the night, ready to terrorize another Yogurtland.


	2. Tender

Illumi was not a tender person. 

Hisoka knew this, understood it like a fact as cold and lovely as Illumi was. Hisoka loved seeing the way he killed people, without remorse or hesitation, like he was completing a task as simple as taking out the trash or bringing in the mail. Cold, calculating, harsh. It made Hisoka want to devour Illumi everytime he got to see the sight of his assassinations.

He had seen Illumi tear out two men’s still beating hearts at the same time, two long missions ago, and it stayed in Hisoka’s mind for weeks after, making arousal course through him late nights whenever he thought about it. Those were the same nights he would visit Illumi’s room in their shared apartment and wake him up by pulling on his earlobe between his teeth and kissing his neck.

Nowadays, Illumi hardly spent time alone while he slept, Hisoka mused. They would either wind up on the floor, naked and tangled and asleep in a heap of blankets, or together in either Hisoka’s room or Illumi’s. Hisoka relished in a discovery he’d made about Illumi on one of those nights together after sex when they lay close, breathing against eachother’s skin in lazy, satisfied, sleepy puffs of air. Namely, those nights when Illumi fell asleep first before Hisoka.

Hisoka was laying in his bed with Illumi who had fallen asleep in his arms, completely exhausted, frazzled loose black hair sticking to his bare back and face which was still flushed and recovering from its sweeping pinkness. 

Hisoka thought distantly, he would prepare Illumi’s favorite breakfast before he woke up. He had gone hard on him that night, after all. Illumi had been away for a whole week without any communication as he finalized his five-month-long mission and didn’t even have the time to return to the apartment at any point meanwhile. It was the busiest Illumi had been for months, and the longest amount of time Hisoka hadn’t heard a single word from the man since they began living together. 

The moment he finally returned, Hisoka slammed the door shut behind him and was already ripping the clothes off him, lifting Illumi by the waist and pinning him against the door, kissing him hungrily. 

Illumi didn't hesitate, as he immediately wrapped his legs around Hisoka and grabbed him by the collar, pulling Hisoka in with the same amount of fervent heat Hisoka pushed against him. They barely made it to Hisoka's bed, with the way Hisoka crashed Illumi against everything in their path, mouthing at him greedily as Illumi grinded against Hisoka in his hold. Their coffee table and potted plants lining the kitchen countertop didn't survive the night.

Hisoka forced himself to stay awake, after, to check if the discovery he had made was a consistent habit of Illumi’s. Illumi was nestled against Hisoka’s chest under his arms, breathing in and out slowly with measured breaths, fast asleep. 

Hisoka began to test his theory. 

He shifted his arm that was draped across Illumi back to his side, and then detangled his legs away from his sleeping assassin. The warmth between them dissipated, slowly and surely, as Hisoka retracted the contact he had and began to slowly move away.

Almost immediately after Hisoka began to shift away completely, Illumi shot his arms out at Hisoka and pulled him back in, tightening an arm around the man with a distant rumble in his chest. 

He grumbled with a deep, low noise in his throat as he pressed his nose against Hisoka’s neck and draped one leg across him, effectively trapping him. Hisoka grinned and beamed down at Illumi, who was still sleeping with deep, even breaths and also completely unaware of his own habit.

Illumi was tender, but only while he was sleeping. 

Hisoka was completely endeared.

Hisoka kissed the top of Illumi’s head, not able to help himself, and the action made Illumi stir with a murmur and a groggy “Hmmm?” Illumi still didn’t seem to be aware that he had Hisoka in a death hold, completely enveloping him around his arms and legs like a clingy koala. 

Hisoka responded with a quirked smile, endlessly entertained by the man who currently had him willingly trapped in a--Illumi wouldn’t ever admit it, even if Hisoka told him-- tender hold.

“Nothing, Illu, go back to sleep.”

Illumi blinked blearily and listened without complaint, drifting back to sleep as he nuzzled further against Hisoka, pulling him in even closer with his arms and hands against the flat of his back, nestling his nose in the cranny between Hisoka’s ear and his neck as he inhaled slowly, deeply. 

There was absolutely no chance that Hisoka would ever inform Illumi of this wonderful habit.

He would keep this secret to himself like a treasure only he could have, relishing in Illumi’s rare tenderness, the one he only displayed when his guard was the most down during sleep after a night full of sweating and trembling and lips, arms, bodies entangled together in pleasure. 

Hisoka’s chest rumbled with a low fit of chuckles which made Illumi stir and huff against him. He sighed contentedly, before falling asleep wrapped in the warmth of Illumi’s body.


	3. Zoldyck Manor

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> illumi is brought back to live at the manor and he has conflicting feelings about it, and conflicting feelings over the fact he is having conflicting feelings to begin with, and more conflicting feelings over the status of his budding relationship with hisoka. antics ensue. milluki is there at one point and he is not happy about it.
> 
> *heed tag warnings

"Are you leaving already?"

Illumi was sending off a text and standing by the door in their living room. 

Hisoka leaned his elbows against their kitchen counter with his chin in his palm, finishing his share of the stack of pancakes he had prepared them both for breakfast. Illumi had found a stack waiting in the kitchen for him when he woke up, which he silently accepted and quickly finished.

Illumi had awakened that morning completely entangled around Hisoka, his arms curiously wrapped around the magician in a tight embrace he figured Hisoka was somehow responsible for. He had groggily released Hisoka, who was awake and already dressed, fresh without the residue of sleep as if he had been awake for a while and settled back under the sheets next to Illumi, for whatever reason.

Illumi didn’t think about it much as he wordlessly got up from Hisoka’s bed and put on a change of clothes he had in a small cabinet next to the magician’s gaudy wardrobe, walking into the bathroom in Hisoka’s room to brush his teeth with the toothbrush settled next to Hisoka’s, and tended to his hair with his comb and conditioner occupying Hisoka’s nightstand.

Hisoka didn’t seem to mind the invasion of Illumi’s things slowly taking over his room, despite the fact that Illumi’s own room was only a few feet away, on the other side of their shared center living space.

“My father is expecting me back in the manor, now that I have completed my mission.” 

Illumi finished the mission report to his father and pocketed his phone, finally regarding Hisoka with a blank stare. “I will return once I am assigned to another mission, but I do not expect it to take much time, considering how last time I finished the mission I recruited you for, I was given the next one only three days after.”

Hisoka hummed in consideration, playing with the fork in his hand idly. “The apartment will be quiet without you here. And boring.”

Illumi tilted his head. “It is quiet, even with me here. You are the one who is noisy. And you can figure out a way to entertain yourself, I am sure.”

Hisoka began spinning the fork around with a finger using bungee gum. “That’s not true.” His passive expression broke into a wide grin. “You aren’t so much the quiet type you think you are. For example, last night when I took you whole and dragged my tongue along the underside of your --”

“I will be leaving now, Hisoka. Goodbye.”

Without another word, Illumi left the apartment and closed the door, ignoring the way Hisoka laughed in several hard exhales from his nose. He was probably smirking as he usually did when he believed he was managing to fluster him. 

It had been five months since Illumi began living with Hisoka in a shared apartment complex in Yorkshin, and even longer since they have been in each other's company. 

He had recruited Hisoka on the last mission he had, and that engagement had lasted about a month--a month of being around Hisoka day and night. An additional five months of occupying the same living space. He had been in Hisoka’s perpetual company for about half a year now. 

Illumi felt a vague sense of astonishment wash over him when he thought about that. He had been so focused on the completion of each mission that he hadn’t thought much about it. Hisoka’s presence had become such a constant facet in Illumi’s life that the man’s company felt normal now, expected-- routine.

It had also been five months since Illumi allowed himself the desire he felt reign over him sometime during the course of the month-long mission Illumi had recruited Hisoka for. Since then, Illumi had sex with Hisoka, often. That, too, had become routine.

Illumi would return each day from his solo mission, his gruelingly long stake-out, with his features perfectly tamed to neutrality, as they were, even though Hisoka seemed to always know neutrality wasn’t ever truly the case.

When Illumi would get to their shared apartment, tense and frustrated with the lack of progress felt each day, something Illumi wasn’t accustomed to, he would sigh deeply, stalk up slowly to Hisoka (who was often watching TV on the couch, or reading the paper, or scrolling through the notifications on his phone), and sit down on his lap wordlessly. 

A cue that Hisoka followed without fail, as he would stop whatever he was doing to amusedly look up at Illumi, reading the frustration on his face easily as he grabbed his waist, brought him down closer, chuckling into his lips as he kissed him and brought the hem of his pants down, taking him. 

They had sex a lot, actually. At one point, Illumi considered denouncing wearing underwear altogether. 

It had all become routine-- Hisoka including. And now, after five months, Illumi found himself face to face with the manor again. 

He was opening each gate of the weighted entrance smoothly, throwing it open with an easy grace, when he heard a distant sharp cry grow closer in proximity, until he was face to face with the swaying of graceful dress ruffles and piercing visors.

“Hello mother,” Illumi said evenly.

Kikyo approached him closely, suddenly reaching out to grab Illumi’s face between her hands and inspected him with a sense of urgency. 

A bead of sweat trickled down the side of her face and she seemed one step away from having a meltdown-- even her breathing felt like it came out in labored, wavering huffs. Her voice was shrill when she finally spoke.

“Why didn’t you tell your mother that you were going to share an apartment away from home with that---that repugnant circus clown?”

It seemed his mother finally found out he was living with Hisoka.

Illumi could imagine the uproar Kikyo caused when she found out, probably much to his father’s chagrin and despite his best efforts to prevent the news from becoming apparent to Kikyo. It’s not like Illumi believed she would be kept unaware forever. It was inevitable. His mother was especially controlling over her children, especially after Killua’s disobedience then disappearance. 

Regardless, living with Hisoka was a matter of location-based convenience so it wouldn’t be that big of an issue, Illumi figured. 

“I apologize if I have offended you with my actions, mother. However, living with Hisoka has had its many benefits and conveniences. I hope you can see my reasons as to why I made the decision.”

In the back of his head, he thought about how every day would wind up the same, with being spent on Hisoka’s bed, sweaty and sticky and flushed against him with limbs and lazy lips entangled, the way Hisoka would press kisses on his temples when he believed him to be asleep. Illumi silently pledged to not tell her that part of living with Hisoka, lest his mother faint or have a heart attack on the spot. 

She may even kill Hisoka, if she found out-- but that particular thought was forcefully shut away the moment it bubbled up in the bottom of Illumi’s subconsciousness.

“I won’t ever like the idea of you spending more time away from home than you do at the manor with your family.” Kikyo finally released her clawed grip on Illumi’s face, hands dropping to formally lay on her dress before adding with a regained sense of composure, “Therefore, I have spoken with your father about the arrangement of your missions. You will be taking a break from any prolonged missions for the time being, and return to taking simple, straight-forward assasination jobs.”

Illumi froze but his expression remained the same. His mother did not notice the sudden chill in his mood as she continued, with a smile on her face. “You will stay with me, excuse me-- your family-- at the manor and you will not leave for longer than a day until further notice.”

Illumi nodded without resistance, eyes empty and dark as he looked at his unfeeling reflection in his mother’s vizor. A beetle in his mind prompted his attention, but he ignored it.

“Yes mother.”

Kikyo smiled, and her aura receded back into her. Illumi hadn’t even noticed it enclosed around him in a smothering, suffocating blanket until it was gone.

“Good, my son. So obedient.” Kikyo gave Illumi a final passing quirk of a smile before she left in a flurry of fabric and graceful elegance, steps controlled and calculated. And Illumi was left alone with nothing but the budding seed of bitterness pooling in his mouth.

The beetle buzzed even louder, but Illumi pushed it down, an old mechanism he was painfully used to by now-- something he had begun to stop doing around Hisoka, as he curiously but critically ventured through the unknown territories that involved valuing his own desires and wants, an ideal the magician lived by that Illumi felt the need to try for himself.

It seemed that was a temporary thing, too, and Illumi felt severely shifted back to the perspective of his existence as Illumi Zoldyck. He continued down the path leading to the manor, unfeeling and cold. The beetle in his mind buzzing louder.

  
  


\---

Just because Illumi had long since fully accepted willingly that he would always prioritize the will of his family’s desires ultimately above his own repressed ones, does not mean he has renounced Hisoka or his living situation with him. If anything, it was just put on hold.

Hisoka was still his acquaintance-friend. And as his acquaintance-friend, Illumi felt it was his obligation to keep in contact with Hisoka, even though it had only been a couple of hours since he departed their apartment.

He lay in his childhood bed in his room, burning holes into the ceiling as he thought. Thought a moment longer. Then pulled out his phone to send Hisoka a text, but before he could pull up Hisoka’s contact number, his phone pinged.

Hisoka: 4:50 PM-- _You never told me you owned a variety of Chinese-inspired outfits, I’m a big fan of the open chest windows. You have to model some of these for me, one day._

Illumi: 4:51 PM-- _Are you looking through my things?_

Hisoka: 4:51 PM-- _Maybe. Does that make you mad?_

Illumi: 4:52 PM-- _Not really. I don’t have anything in my room you could use to your advantage to get on my nerves._

Hisoka: 4:53 PM-- _Is that a challenge? I bet I can find something._

Illumi: 4:53 PM-- _Hisoka, get out of my room._

Hisoka: 4:54 PM-- _Okay._

Illumi paused the rapid fire of his fingers on his phone screen, writing out a text and staring at it before deleting it and finally continuing.

Illumi: 4:57 PM-- _I won’t be returning to the apartment for a while. I can’t say for how long._

Hisoka: 4:58PM-- _I see. Family problems?_

Illumi: 4:59 PM-- _I will be accepting my usual short-term assassination jobs, so there is no need for me to leave the manor._

Hisoka: 5:01 PM-- _I’m guessing your parents aren’t a fan of unexpected visits?_

Illumi: 5:01 PM-- _You’d be correct in your guess. There is no need for you to visit, we have the proper level of communication through messaging alone._

Hisoka: 5:02 PM-- _Hmm, but that isn’t the same._

Illumi: 5:02 PM-- _Is this about the sex? You’re correct that we won’t be engaging in any of that until further notice, but I’m sure you can manage alone._

Hisoka: 5:03 PM-- _Well, there’s that. But that’s only one thing amongst other things._

Illumi furrowed his brows at his screen at the vague meaning of the text, pensive but resigned to the confusion as he put his phone down next to him and stared up at the ceiling again. Another ping rang.

Hisoka: 5:08 PM-- _I enjoy your company, is what I mean._

Then another ping.

Hisoka: 5:10 PM-- _We are close friends, after all_ ❤ _._

Illumi: 5:11 PM-- _We are acquaintance-friends. Not real friends._

Hisoka: 5:12 PM-- _Sure, Illumi~_

Illumi could almost hear Hisoka’s amused chuckling next to his ear. He brushed it away and put his phone down for good now, crossing his arms as he stared up and counted the specks of dust he could see gliding in the air briefly before disappearing from his vision.

Hisoka was not a real friend. 

Friends didn’t typically behave the way Hisoka and Illumi did with eachother. 

They didn’t lick and lap and bite at eachother into a boneless heat or know with familiarity how it felt to be consumed and then spilled into on the inside, or the way eachother’s names tasted on their lips as it was breathed out in a whisper then screamed out in a moan. 

Neither did friends know how it felt to be wrapped up into eachother after, with blankets covering their naked bodies and foreheads on necks, chest to chest, warm lips brushing away black strands of wet hair to kiss at temples and then peck at noses, low humming rumbling as if contented.

Illumi blinked.

He was pretty sure acquaintances didn’t do any of that, either.

_What was his relationship with Hisoka if they weren’t acquaintances or friends?_

His brows furrowed in a real confusion now as he thought about it, Hisoka’s texts floating in the emptiness of his mind-- _I enjoy your company_ \-- -- _We are close friends_ \--. 

He thought briefly to the fact that Hisoka was the only person outside of his family that he was comfortable around enough to let his guard down to the point where basic touch and contact didn’t repel him or conflict him to the point of attacking. 

There were moments, still, when he wondered if he was capable of killing Hisoka in a fight if the time came to do so, but most of the time Illumi pondered instead over how Hisoka could be tender with the assassin despite the gestures always feeling unfitting and contradictory to the comparable darkness they both held, the way it felt hypocritical but oddly cathartic at the same time.

A thought roused Illumi and he sat up. 

There was one person who could assist Illumi with this newfound issue he was having. But the information would come at a price. 

Illumi left his room and walked downstairs quietly to check the common room for mail and packages. If Illumi was lucky, he would find what he was looking for there. If not, he would have to use drastic measures. 

Illumi found what he was looking for. He grabbed the package that would serve as his bargaining chip-- or hostage situation, if worse comes to worse-- and returned upstairs. He passed the door to his room, walking through the roundabout of the manor towards a door that was cold and unvisited by anyone in the entire household, except the unlucky butler that would personally deliver trays of food upon request.

He knocked once and then swung open the door, entering without being granted permission, package in hand.

“Good evening, Milluki.”

Milluki swung around in his seat away from the several computer monitors he was occupied with, his eyes opening wide in surprise-- which turned into a flabbergasted dumbfounded expression as he squinted in disbelief at Illumi who stood in his room, casual and calm and without a trace of emotion on his face as he regarded him.

“Illumi?? What are you doing here?”

Illumi has also never visited Milluki’s room. Except maybe once when he was two and Illumi was ten and he was in charge of bottlefeeding the second oldest born in his crib. The surprise was understandable.

“I am here to deliver this package to you.” Illumi held the package up in show, but did not move to hand it over.

Milluki furrowed his brows in further confusion. 

“I--Why didn’t you just leave it in the mail room for me to pick up later?” He was sweating, as if Illumi visiting his room was an omen for his demise if anything else, and not a simple brotherly action of affection and care.

“I am in need of your assistance.” Illumi didn’t explain further, standing in an eerie stillness. Milluki looked extremely unsettled in the mixture of confusion and surprise on his face dusted with potato chip crumbs.

“Me? You came here for my assistance? That’s rare, Illumi. Actually that’s never happened before.” Milluki wiped the crumbs off his face with the back of his hand, then squinted. “Why should I help you?”

Illumi’s dark eyes bore into Milluki’s. Milluki began to sweat harder, the challenge dropping dead in Illumi’s suffocating stare. Illumi’s lips tilted up in an amiable smile, breaking the momentary intensity that drowned the space around them.

He held up the package in his hand. “Because I am sure you want your figurine.”

Milluki paled. “You--Big Brother--- You are blackmailing me?”

Illumi nodded, the ghost of a smile still on his face.

Milluki seemed to be at a loss for words. He groaned, rubbing his hands in his hair in frustration before sighing in resignation, grumbling.

“What do you want me to do?”

Illumi put the package down on the floor-- the deal had worked.

“You are eighteen now. And I am aware that you are rather knowledgeable in--” Illumi glanced at Milluki’s computer monitors which were all seemingly different in content, some opened up to gaming screens, bidding websites, streaming websites with Japanese cartoons, a monitor with a bright pink and red banner that read in gaudy print _Chat with Sexy Singles Online_ with a half-naked woman in nothing but fishnets, leather gloves, and cat ears-- “--Adult topics.”

Milluki’s face fell, he seemed again at a loss for words. Illumi continued.

“I need you to use your knowledge with such content to assist me in classifying a certain kind of relationship between two parties.”

“You--You want me to help you put a label to a relationship.”

Illumi nodded, unblinking.

“This is too weird. I’ll pass.” Milluki turned away from Illumi and to the monitor with the bright pink and red adult website which he minimized in a way that was supposed to be subtle, instead opening up the webpage with the Japanese cartoons with the girls that had way too large eyes.

“I see.” Illumi brought a hand up, and it tensed with claws and veins protruding. “Then say goodbye to Sailor Moon.”

Milluki snapped his head back to Illumi, who was now standing over the package with the figurine in it with his hand pointed at the box, deadly and ready to strike.

“Stop!!--Stop!!--Stop!! Wait, big brother, Wait.”

Illumi’s clawed hand retracted and he looked back to Milluki’s panicked face.

“Fine!! I’ll help you” he tsked loudly, and Illumi looked appreciatively at him. “And it’s a vintage-edition Homura Akemi figurine, not Sailor Moon. You call every anime girl Sailor Moon.”

Illumi’s ghost of a smile returned on his face. “Thank you, Millu.”

Milluki shuddered at being called his childhood nickname, then brushed it off by turning fully in his seat towards Illumi and crossing his arms and legs.

“So? What is it?”

Illumi put a finger up and placed it on his chin quizzically. “Say there are two consenting parties who at first merely worked together in an alliance, but then grew accustomed to each other's presence to the point where close and casual contact became normal, then those two parties began living together and engaging in consistent sexual activity.” 

Illumi tilted his head, “What kind of relationship does that qualify as?”

Milluki gave Illumi a constipated expression, still apparently extremely weirded out by Illumi’s unusual, oddly-specific question and his even stranger decision to come ask Milluki for this kind of help. He shifted and grumbled, then put a finger to his temple to ease his budding headache, but answered anyways.

“Ugh. That depends if these two people are dating or if they’re just a ‘friends with benefits’ kind of deal.”

Illumi tilted his head again and blinked.

“You know-- friends with benefits? That means people who are friends who have sex but aren’t committed to eachother?”

_Friends with benefits_. That could explain the reason Hisoka and he had sex, but Hisoka called him a friend even when Illumi would stubbornly tell him they weren’t. But.. Hisoka had always taken Illumi out to places too. 

In the months living together, Hisoka had taken him out frequently for expensive dinners and drinks wearing fancy silk suits, to frozen yogurt and candy establishments, to pancake houses for breakfast, to midnight shopping trips in gray sweatpants and simple croptops. 

Hisoka had even remembered Illumi’s favorite fruit despite having only told him once and months ago, and came to their apartment one day carrying a large basket of durians. Hisoka noticed how the action lowered Illumi’s defenses somewhat and he used the chance to grab Illumi by the hand-- Illumi didn’t complain and Hisoka led them through the streets at night, hand-in-hand, fingers intertwined, as they walked together in comfortable silence.

Had those been dates?

“I see.”

“Does that answer your question?” Milluki huffed, annoyance in his voice.

“And the other option? If these two people are dating as well?”

Milluki sighed, as if the answer were blatant and obvious.

“Then that means they’re probably in a relationship.”

Illumi blinked, confused.

“A romantic relationship” Milluki clarified.

_Romantic_. Illumi grimaced hard, but the only sign of his discomfort externally was a slight twitch of his eye.

“I see.” Illumi finally shifted away from his unbroken stiff stance, making his way for the door, “That answers my question, Milluki. Thank you for the assistance.”

Milluki looked visibly relieved and he let out a sigh. “Yeah, yeah. Whatever. Don’t touch my packages again, big brother.”

Illumi gave him a smile with his head turned over his shoulder, and walked out the door, closing it behind him with a silent click. The beetle in his mind grew louder and louder, and Illumi frowned with a deeper confusion than he had before.

\---

Three weeks passed.

Illumi’s missions had returned to what they were before, to his liking. Short, simple, straight-forward kills he was able to fulfill in precise, fast, perfectly calculated executions. 

In addition, his mother had been doting over him in a way she hadn’t done before. She doted over Killua and Kalluto, and rarely Milluki, but she had never really done so for Illumi. She hadn’t had the need to, Illumi was already the perfect older brother, non rebellious and perfectly willing and malleable to serve the Zoldyck name.

Illumi was therefore unable to explain to himself the reason behind the bitterness he felt. Returning to the state of his missions before they had become relegated to lower-desirability assignments should have quelled the bitterness he felt. But surprisingly, the act made a rare annoyance flash through Illumi, and the intensity had grown the longer time passed.

Hisoka was not making things any better.

They were in contact with eachother with Hisoka sending him texts every couple days until their communication became frequent, and they texted everyday. Even Illumi had initiated some of the texts.

They spoke about mundane things, with Hisoka giving daily updates on interesting fights he’s had, or sending irrelevant images of cats he’s encountered with the caption “reminded me of you”, things of the like. Illumi had responded with updates on missions he’s had, with minimal information to maintain confidentiality, and the occasional question of whether he’s received anything of importance in their shared mailbox or if Hisoka was behaving himself and not touching any of his things while he was gone. 

Illumi pulled up the last string of messages from Hisoka and reread them.

Hisoka: -- _Anything interesting happen recently?_

Illumi: -- _Nothing different than the usual._

Hisoka: -- _Hm.. do you miss me yet?_

Illumi: -- _No._

Hisoka: -- _So mean. But I know you’re lying. Did you know I’m not only clairvoyant, but telepathic as well?_

Illumi: -- _What am I thinking about at this exact moment?_

Hisoka: -- _Hmmm, you are thinking about how the longer missions you secretly resent seem to be much more appealing now because it means you’ll satisfy your desire to see me again, correct? Or am I wrong?_

Illumi: -- _Wrong. I am thinking about the dust that’s probably collecting in my room._

Hisoka: -- _I can check for you, if you want._

Illumi: _\--Stay out of my room, Hisoka._

Hisoka: _\--I can make no promises, dear Illumi_ ❤

That had been a week ago. Hisoka had not messaged Illumi since. Hisoka was definitely up to something, and he knew it. Hisoka probably knew that Illumi knew, too. After ruminating over it for a week, both bothered by Hisoka’s words and his absence of them, Illumi finally boiled over. He was standing in the middle of a hallway, walking towards his room to take a shower after a particularly bloody mission, but he didn’t wait any longer. He stopped walking to rapidly fire a text to Hisoka.

Illumi:-- _What are you doing?_

Not even a minute later, Hisoka replied.

Hisoka:-- _Oh, what’s this? Have you been thinking about me?_ ❤

Illumi: -- _I’ve been thinking about what you might be up to. You’re plotting again._

Hisoka: -- _You know me too well, Illu. But a magician never tells his secrets._

Illumi: -- _You’re going to try to visit me, aren’t you?_

Hisoka: -- _Have I become that predictable?_

Illumi: -- _If you try to fight anyone, I will kill you._

Hisoka: -- _Hm, yes you have told me that before, several times actually~ But I regret to inform you, you are already too late._

Illumi felt his stomach clench as black aura seeped in a growing violence around him. The screen of his phone cracked as he typed out his next text.

Illumi: -- _What did you do?_

Hisoka responded immediately.

Hisoka: -- _I can sense your anger even through text, Illumi. I haven’t fought anyone in your family, like you are suspecting. Even though I would still like to_ ❤ _. I’ll give you a hint. You should check downstairs._

Illumi blinked at his phone, aura receding back into himself. His clothes were still covered in blood and it seeped through enough to make him uncomfortable, he was only a step away from the shower he was looking forward to, but Illumi swivelled around and calmly walked back to where he came from. 

He walked back downstairs. And when he walked through the entrance of the downstairs dining area, Illumi froze in his tracks completely.

Hisoka was sitting down _right there,_ across from his mother. Legs crossed, hair gelled up and facepaint done, wearing his favorite white two piece, politely erect and uncannily pleasant across his mother who was also sitting down with an unexpected amount of composure and decorum. Hot tea lay on the table between them, still steaming.

Illumi thought briefly, that Hisoka did still have rare moments where he could genuinely catch him off guard-- it’s been a long, long while since he had been able to do so, and this was one of those moments. Illumi looked as baffled as he could, with the way his brows furrowed and his lips formed a small frown on his otherwise neutral face. He blinked thrice.

They both turned to regard Illumi at the same time, who was still standing frozen in the entrance of the room. Hisoka caught his eye and grinned.

“Illumi, hello my dear.” Kikyo spoke first, donned in an elegant monochrome dress and also completely calm, as if she were the one who invited Hisoka over. “The clown, Hisoka, decided to pay the manor a visit. He was received by the butlers upon my permission after I deemed him to not be a threat and now we are having tea.”

Illumi did not stop staring at Hisoka, and likewise Hisoka maintained his eye contact with Illumi, even when he grabbed his teacup and took a dainty sip. Illumi wasn’t sure what Hisoka did to garner his mother’s favor. It was only a few weeks ago that she almost had a meltdown upon finding out he had been living with Hisoka. Now they were politely having tea together. The contrast was making Illumi feel whiplash, as if he were in a fever dream.

Hisoka put his cup down. “Your mother had been telling me stories of your childhood, Illumi. It sounds like you were such a lovely child to raise.” Hisoka smiled charismatically at Kikyo and flashed a wink, “But raising such an excellent child is reflected with all due credit to the wonderful mother who is responsible for such a feat.”

Kikyo flipped an elegant fan out to mask the lower half of her face, but Illumi could see her flattered smile and the faint blush dusting her cheeks from where he stood. He blinked and grimaced and shot a squinted glare at Hisoka, who did not meet his eyes but Illumi was sure he was able to feel the weight of his intense stare.

“I was not convinced at first but I must now admit that you have chosen a charming man to share an apartment with, Illumi.” Kikyo cast her gaze at her son and prompted him closer, a silent command Illumi followed wordlessly while he was still boring into Hisoka with his stare. 

Kikyo turned to regard Hisoka again once Illumi stood at attention by her side. “However. I can not fully accept your presence around my eldest child without any reassurance that you are appropriate company. We are Zoldycks. Our name carries a prestige and an elegance you cannot afford.” 

Kikyo’s visors flashed a scarlet red as her delicate fingers tightened around her teacup-- the air around her chilled noticeably, but Hisoka retained his pleasant smile, even when Kikyo’s chilled stare and Illumi’s intense one trained on to him like two missiles ready to launch. 

She spoke with a lovely tilt in her voice, but the coldness in it was apparent. “If your intentions with my son are disagreeable in any way, I will make sure to kill you myself, Hisoka.” 

The handle of the teacup around Kikyo’s grip broke off and her hand instantly returned to normal from its tensed and clawed state. Hot tea-- turned cold-- spilled on the table with a clatter of ceramic as the teacup broke.

Hisoka kept smiling, his eyes trailing down to the spilled tea, then back up to Kikyo. He replied easily with amusement in his voice, “Got it.”

“My, that teacup was part of a new set. I will go fetch a butler to clean this mess up.” Kikyo got up from her seat with a wave of elegant fabric, “Illumi. Watch Hisoka. He is a guest for now, make sure he is properly attended to. I must make my leave now.”

“Yes mother” Illumi responded, finally breaking his intense stare fixated on Hisoka and regarded his mother with an expressionless blink. 

Kikyo’s heeled footsteps echoed throughout the room as she walked away, until the footsteps slowly faded into dead silence. The piercing chill that permeated the room a moment ago left along with Kikyo.

Hisoka finally looked up at Illumi. “You and your mother are quite similar. Also, from what she told me, it sounds like you were a cute child. Why did you ever stop wearing kimonos? I bet they would still suit you.”

“You are expecting me to play the role of detective again. I will humor you.”

Illumi put a finger up, “You have spent a week without communication setting up some sort of operation. Visiting the manor as a guest by somehow gaining my mother’s favor was the first step to whatever you are planning.” 

Hisoka put his chin in his hand and grinned as Illumi spoke. “Unless you are lying to me, you do not intend to fight my father or grandfather. If you are lying to me, that means you are prepared to rile up the wrath of every Zoldyck in the manor, minus Milluki. Including the butlers.” 

Illumi’s finger landed on his chin in thought, “Which does not seem like a plan unlikely for you to think of, but I do not believe you are suicidal enough to carry on with such an idea.”

Hisoka looked entertained by Illumi’s rambling. “You’re getting warmer, keep going.”

Illumi deadpanned and crossed his arms, “Which does not leave me with any other idea as to why you are here.”

“Do you give up?”

Illumi hummed. “I guarantee that I can trample any plan you have. But as of the moment, I am drawing a blank.”

Hisoka grabbed Illumi’s waist and brought him closer. Illumi let himself be pulled but kept his arms crossed as he looked down at Hisoka’s beaming face.

“Illumi, I don’t think I can ever move past how highly you think up to me.”

Illumi blinked.

Hisoka continued, “You always assume I have a masterful plan. A magician never tells his secrets, but I will tell you this--” Hisoka dragged a pointed nail up Illumi’s arm idly, “Most of the time, I let scenarios develop naturally as I go along, then pick and choose the most entertaining option from those I can perceive right in front of me.”

Hisoka plants a kiss on the fabric of Illumi’s stomach-- he was still covered in blood-- “I don’t usually plan that far ahead, unless I need to. I just enjoy watching you stir in your thoughts as you try to think my nonexistent plans through. It’s cute.”

Illumi blinked again, then tilted his head. “You have no plans.”

Hisoka hummed in agreeance.

“Still, you must have a motive for being here.”

“You know the reason already.”

“You are here to collect my rent money.”

Hisoka blinked. “No.”

Illumi’s arms uncrossed and rested on top of Hisoka’s head. “The payment should be in another week. I could have just wired you the money, like I have always done.”

The tilt in Hisoka’s voice evened out, like Illumi was giving him a hard time and the typical drawl was being killed off single handedly by Illumi’s ignorance. “Do you really not know?” 

“No. Neither do I know the reason for why you went a week without communication, if you were not using the time to create some sort of plan.”

“You sound angry.”

Illumi leaned on Hisoka’s head further. “I am not.”

Hisoka hummed. “Well the reason for that, I will keep a secret. There are still some things that I plan ahead.”

“I knew it.” Illumi almost had his full weight on Hisoka-- he was accustomed to the habit Hisoka had developed of carrying him around the apartment, Illumi draped across his shoulder, the action had almost become instinct.

Hisoka had his arms around his waist still, face pressed against Illumi’s stomach, with Illumi nearly leaning entirely on Hisoka like a gelatinous substance. Illumi had become more used to intimate and affectionate gestures by now. Hisoka seemed to be a fan of them, and Illumi over the course of months became largely accustomed to them.

But a new strange feeling thrummed through Illumi--something dark and distasteful and yearning-- as he remembered his conversation with Milluki, and it prompted him to tense up and separate from Hisoka. The grip around his waist broke and Hisoka looked up at him with a confused lift of his brow.

“Mother has assigned me to tend to you. I will take you to the guest room. Follow me,” Illumi said evenly as he stepped away from Hisoka, who was still sitting down with his arms held up around the empty space Illumi had just occupied. The confusion on his face didn’t last very long as he got up to follow Illumi who had begun walking away.

“I’ll be sure to be a wonderful guest. Make sure you tend to me extra well, Illu~”

“We are not having sex in the manor.”

“Ah, okay.”

Illumi could not see Hisoka’s face as he walked in front of him, but he could still hear the smile in his voice. His lips were probably pressed together in a purse, the corners stretched upwards.

\---

Hot water poured down Illumi from the showerhead above, rinsing the blood off of him that had seeped through his clothes in red trails down his naked body. His back was flat against the cold tile of the shower wall in the guest room he had taken Hisoka to. Black hair hung down against his skin like wet ink on alabaster.

He was supposed to leave Hisoka there and call on butlers to supervise him, then report back to his father on his completed mission. The itinerary list of tasks in Illumi’s mind were haltingly put on hold the moment the two entered the room. It didn’t take much time until he had broken his own rules, Illumi thought distantly.

After Illumi had brushed away his conversation with Milluki to the back of his mind where he could analyse it later, he couldn’t help but become somewhat side-tracked and kept sneaking glances at the bulk of Hisoka’s sleeveless arms or distractingly too-tight pants on the walk to the guest rooms. It had been three weeks of nonstop work after months of daily orgasms, after all. 

Maybe that’s why Illumi had decided to take a shower in the guest room instead of his own shower, a subconscious decision. It was also a not very well thought out one.

“Hisoka…” Illumi breathed. His hands were fisted in red locks of wet hair. “I thought we’d… agreed we wouldn’t--haa-- have sex in the manor.”

Hisoka paused the relentless bobbing of his head to slip the wet heat of his mouth off from around Illumi. He looked up at Illumi with eyes glimmering bright with lust and mischief.

“This doesn’t really qualify as sex though, does it?” Illumi was about to reply, but Hisoka had taken the chance to swivel his tongue around the tip, stopping the sentence Illumi was forming completely, and he gasped instead. Hisoka’s hands kept his thighs still as they quivered under his hold.

Illumi choked out the question that gnawingly surfaced his mind mid-blowjob between panted breaths and muted groans as Hisoka kissed down his length to bite at his inner thighs, “When was the last time you’ve done this?”

Hisoka hummed in question, but it came out as a deep rumble instead, and he got up from his crouched position on the shower floor to kiss up his thigh, to his stomach and chest, and met his half-lidded stare. 

Hisoka crowded over Illumi in the shower, his facepaint was completely gone at that point and his clothes forgotten near the entrance of the guest room. His hair was a sopping wet mess, the gel in it had completely ran down the drain and it tickled Illumi’s face as he hovered close.

“What do you mean?”

Illumi braced his arms around broad shoulders and shivered when he felt Hisoka’s hand reach down and squeeze around him. The steam in the shower made heat and arousal build up in him even faster than usual, as well as the fact that it’d been three weeks without any physical contact-- Hisoka didn’t have to work Illumi long before he was shivering and panting under his touch.

“Have you done anything like this recently?” 

Hisoka blinked, the meaning of the words registering sluggishly as the heat in the room started feeling intoxicating and suffocating. He groaned when he felt Illumi bring him close until they were chest to chest, the wet warmth of his cock next to his own between their bodies as he stared into Hisoka’s eyes as if he were trying to drag the information out of him with nen.

“Do you mean to ask if I’ve had any sex since you’ve left?” Hisoka nipped at his bottom lip. Illumi sighed and his momentary intense stare was replaced again by his half-lidded glazed one.

Hisoka’s trapped hand that was still fisted around Illumi started moving up and down his length between their bodies. Illumi gasped and arched into Hisoka as he asked again--- “Have you?”

Hisoka’s voice came out in a moaned lilt, “You’re jealous?” The speed of his hand increased as it twisted and squeezed. It was almost overwhelming. Illumi’s breath hitched as he felt Hisoka’s erection press into his stomach and he craned his head against the tile behind him.

The speed of Hisoka’s wrist kept its merciless pace until Illumi could hear the lewd sound of sticky wetness reverberating in the echo of the shower alongside the noise of water hitting the tile floor. Illumi’s arms around Hisoka’s shoulders tightened and claws traced down the skin of his back. His eyes were shut in concentration to push away the ebbing flow of white that threatened to take him-- he would prolong the heat warming him on the inside out.

Hisoka was persistent, and he asked again in a low purr, “Illumi-- are you jealous?” He pressed both of their erections together now, continuing his restless up and down motion but this time with his hand wrapped around both of them. This time, Illumi did feel overwhelmed. 

His words came out slurred between the rise of his heaving chest. “I need to know if you have--- to analyze the state of our relation---ha---. I’m not--” Illumi gasped when Hisoka bit his earlobe, “Jealous--- Hisoka---I’m--”

Illumi didn’t even notice the white ebb approaching as he was suddenly tipped over the edge from Hisoka’s hand jerking alone. He moaned Hisoka’s name and heard him groan in his ear in return as they came together in a flash of white hot pulses. His world was turned blurry and Hisoka leaned against him heavily on the shower wall-- enough so that it prevented his knees from buckling.

The shower continued to pour hot water onto their wet bodies as they came to, washing away the evidence of their coupling. They panted against eachother, regaining their composure and catching their breaths. Illumi’s arms were still wrapped around Hisoka’s shoulders, and Hisoka had his hold on his ribcage.

After a minute, Hisoka pushed himself off Illumi with his arms against the wall and each hand by Illumi’s face. He was somewhere between a smile and a smirk, but it made his wide-eyed expression seem wild. Illumi lazily blinked at him and tilted his head, a wordless question.

“No, I haven’t.” Hisoka finally responded, and planted a kiss on his lips. The answer was enough. But Hisoka pushed anyway. “Why do you ask, Illumi?”

“You already know why.”

Hisoka pursed his lips at Illumi’s reference to his words earlier.

“I do, but I just wanted to hear you ask me if we were exclusive.” Hisoka grinned at him. Illumi broke his hold around Hisoka and turned off the water overhead then reached for a towel--and another one, which he passed to Hisoka. They dried themselves off and wrapped it around their waists as they both stepped out.

“You have already answered the question though.”

“Hmm, well my next question would really be about the follow-up to that answer. Why are you suddenly thinking about whether our intimacy is exclusive or not?”

Illumi didn’t want to bring up the topic. Milluki’s voice filtered through his thoughts -- _a romantic relationship_ \--. He shut it down. The concept of that riled something in Illumi and he felt it’d be dangerous to let it roam free. A part of him wanted to address it and embrace it, but that little beetle would be shoved aside. Illumi didn’t answer and Hisoka only looked at him with a growing curiosity.

As they both stepped out from the steaming bathroom together into the guest room naked and in nothing but a towel, all train of thought in Hisoka’s and Illumi’s minds were cut short and they both froze. In the middle of the room, a tired looking butler held a tray of food in his hands.

The butler silently put the tray of food down on the table in the center of the room and scratched his scruffy graying stubble. Tired green eyes looked between Hisoka and Illumi, completely unfazed as he broke the silence.

“Madame Kikyo has asked me to deliver food to the guest of the manor.”

Hisoka smiled pleasantly at the man, next to Illumi who was still frozen in his spot. Even through his pleasant smile, Hisoka’s face was stricken with a caught expression, sheepish. “I see. Thank you.”

Illumi finally opened his mouth to say something, but the butler beat him to it. He bowed deeply and spoke calmly.

“In all my trips delivering food to Master Milluki, this kind of thing is nothing I am unused to. There is no need to worry, Master Illumi.” He stood from his bowed position and nodded to the two men and excused himself. 

The door closed behind him with a soft click.

A moment of silence stilled between them before Hisoka broke it with a fit of laughter. Illumi’s eyes trailed to him in a glare. Hisoka didn’t stop laughing.

\---

Illumi finally called on butlers to supervise Hisoka. Different butlers that hadn’t walked in on them emerging from a steaming bathroom naked, of course --Illumi wondered if he’d truly become so distracted as to not sense one of his butlers entering the room, he’d have to rectify such a careless mistake on his part--.

The itinerary list of tasks put on hold resumed, and Illumi left Hisoka to go make his update report on his mission to his father. As he reached the top of the long circular flight of stairs on the highest floor of the manor, Illumi felt the familiar steady thrum of his father’s aura, powerful and bright, this time next to another aura, elegant and cold-- his mother’s.

It wasn’t until he approached the large double door entrance to the throne room that Illumi heard the curious hushed noises of his parents speaking to eachother. Even more curiously, the usual guards at the entrance were absent. It was a strange enough occurrence-- especially with Hisoka in the manor downstairs-- that Illumi stopped himself from entering. Instead, he listened in on the conversation inside.

_What do you think we should do, my love?_

A long, deep sigh.

_I don’t see any issues with letting him continue, Kikyo. It’s his decision and he doesn’t seem any bit different than when he started. It’s already been half a year._

Shrillness, cold, a growing familiar sense of manipulation.

_Love, were you not the one who commanded him to not have any friends from the very beginning?_

Illumi realized they were talking about him. Specifically, his living situation with Hisoka. He froze at the door. He wasn’t eavesdropping-- he hadn’t gone up the stairs using zetsu, his aura was thinly framed around him in a constant thrum, there was surely no chance his parents didn’t realize he was standing outside the door, listening. Perhaps it didn’t matter, Illumi realized. His fate would be sealed whether or not he’d be there to listen in on the conversation or not. He continued listening upon this realization-- it wasn’t disobedience in the form of eavesdropping if he were being granted permission.

_Illumi has never shown any interest in having friends. I don’t think we have to worry about this changing._

_And if he does? What will we do? Do you want a repeat of what happened with Killua? We both know what he did after meeting that child he so adamantly called his friend._

Illumi’s stomach hollowed upon hearing Killua’s name. His covert mission to track him down had been put on hold for so long now. He’d have to continue his search, eventually. He wouldn’t be able to with his longer missions.

His thoughts were interrupted by a low laugh, powerful and deep despite being so quiet.

_Illumi isn’t like Killua. I have complete faith that he will eventually return to his life of training to become the heir. But if I am being truthful, I have always had an inkling that Killua would do something like this. There was always a great shining brightness in his eyes, but I knew those hopes had nothing to do with being a Zoldyck._

Kikyo remained silent. Illumi stared at the door blankly.

_But Illumi, ever since he was just a boy, I never saw those things in his eyes. His were much different than Killua’s bright hopeful ones. His became dark and lightless after some time. I don’t think our son can have any aspirations that aren’t continuous with being a Zoldyck. That’s just the way it is._

_I suppose you’re right, dearest. Maybe I am worrying for no reason. Illumi is my wonderful eldest, so perfect and obedient. Never making me worry about him running away._

Illumi continued staring at the door, expressionless. He was Illumi Zoldyck, the Zoldyck’s perfect weapon of destruction. He would serve, kill, and die for his family. There was no other way, no space for wants, dreams, ambitions in his life. He held no desires of his own. He was a passionless puppet of darkness, his only pleasures derived from watching people die, like a true killer. 

_Illumi, darling._ He heard his mother’s voice through the door. _You can come in now._

Illumi walked through the door mechanically. Good and obedient. His father was seated at his throne, at ease, and his mother stood next to him in her same monochrome dress, poised elegantly and erect with her hands held together.

“As you heard, we have been discussing your living situation with the clown Hisoka. You will be allowed to continue living at the same apartment complex as him.”

Illumi blinked. A seedling of the bitterness in his mouth receded, strangely. _He feeds himself with the shadows. A puppet of darkness. Like he was raised._

“Understood.”

“However, I must still ask the question on my mind.” Kikyo continued, voice still composed with its lovely lilt. The room felt drowned out with her question. 

“What is your relationship with the clown?”

Illumi’s recited thoughts blurred into unwarranted ones of warmth, pleasure, flashes of red on marble skin, alabaster on black spread and open, panted and hot, gold boring into black as it approached closer. _Eyes with a bottomless desireless darkness, just like his parents raised him to be._ Obviously, Illumi was a Zoldyck-- just like he wanted, the only thing he wanted.

Illumi’s eyes were pitch black. 

But his words came out of him without his own accord.

“We are friends.”

Silva’s and Kikyo’s calm expression stuttered at the same time. Illumi wasn’t sure how to stop himself.

“We also engage in sexual activity.”

Kikyo’s face broke into a face of unadulterated horror as it paled. Silva had to reach out to catch Kikyo’s swaying body as it fell backwards-- she had passed out. Silva’s eye twitched and he looked at his son with blue piercing eyes wide and caught completely off guard. He looked like he was completely lost as to how to handle the situation. 

Illumi delivered the final blow.

“We have also gone on what I may be able to perceive as dates.”

Silva looked at a loss, now. Kikyo was passed out in his arms. Illumi didn’t seem fazed, only continued with his own monotone report even though both his parents seemed to be given whiplash, and his own mother had collapsed at his words.

“Also, the mission was a success. The client has wired the money and there was no evidence left at the scene.”

Illumi blinked and bowed his head before turning around and walking out. Blood rushed in his ears, and the scene before him that he caused processed in his mind. He wasn’t sure what to make of his own outbreak. Perhaps Hisoka had drugged him somehow-- he vaguely wondered if there was a way to administer a drug by sucking someone off. Maybe it was worth doing research on. 

Illumi silently returned to his room, his mind a loud static and he lay down on his bed, staring up at the ceiling. For some reason, he couldn’t remember the words he’d recited to himself time and time again-- it was drowned out by the static and the rushing pulse of his beating heart.

\---

Illumi walked to the guest room of the manor after having laid down and processed his thoughts in his bed for a while. He supposed he should update Hisoka on what had just transpired, like a calm warning before the storm’s inevitable uproar.

He greeted the two guards positioned by the door and they parted to let Illumi enter. Illumi was honestly surprised they weren’t dead. He was even more surprised by the sight of Hisoka building a house of cards silently in the room. He was still undressed with only a towel around his waist.

He closed the door behind him and sat on the single bed in the room, across from Hisoka who was looking at him with an easygoing expression, waiting for him to speak.

“You are at the Zoldyck manor with a limitless amount of options of things for you to meddle with. But you are here making a house of cards.”

Hisoka smiled at him, finishing adding the last card as the roof. 

“My, Illumi, it’s like you are inviting me to cause problems. I thought you said you’d kill me if I fought anyone.”

“That is hardly reason for you to not do something you want to do. I’ve known you long enough to know that. I believe you have already started causing problems, and are waiting for something to happen.”

“Hmm, there you go again. Looking up to me so much.”

Illumi crossed his arms. “Did you drug me while sucking me off earlier?”

Hisoka barked a laugh and blinked. “No, I did not.”

“Then how did you know?”

“Know what, Illu?”

“That I would be the one to cause problems, and not yourself?”

Hisoka looked endlessly amused, eyes widening somewhat. 

“Oh?”

Illumi reached a finger out to point at his nose, and Hisoka followed it with his eyes crossing, grin unfailing.

“You somehow knew that I would tell both my parents we were engaged in a sexual and intimate relationship, otherwise you would not be here, not causing problems.”

Hisoka furrowed his brows and blinked at Illumi. Then he broke out in a wide smile.

“Do you really want to know?”

Illumi nodded.

“The reason I spent a week without communication was for the purpose of making you think about me and be bothered by my absence, thus leading to your inevitable realization that we were not ‘acquaintance-friends’ as you say. I visited the manor because I knew it would make you confused and overthink.” 

Hisoka’s lips pursed as if he were about to start laughing again. His chin went on his palm. “From there, I planned to go with doing what I found interesting. But the fact that you were the one to cause the problem first, this time, is far better than what I could have predicted.”

“Ah.”

“You’ve unleashed the wrath of your parents upon me without my own doing.”

“Ah.”

“I’m going to fight them.” Hisoka’s eyes tilted up in a dark lust.

“You will not.”

“You don’t expect me to not defend myself as they try to kill me?” Hisoka gave a flat look to Illumi, who only smiled.

“That’s right.”

Hisoka opened his mouth to respond, but the sudden noise of heels running towards them sounded from the hallway outside. Then the scitter of men urgently backing away from the door they guarded. The door slammed open.

Kikyo walked inside with careful, tense steps. Her breathing was labored and she fought to regain control of it. Her face pale. The red dots on her vizors two small pinpoints, narrow and thin and piercing and trained onto Hisoka like the lazer pointer on a rifle.

“Hello, ma’am” Hisoka regarded her pleasantly.

If it weren’t so uncharacteristic of him, Illumi believed he would facepalm right then and there. Instead he blinked at his mother. Probably not the best idea that he was sitting on the bed, with Hisoka only a foot away-- legs almost touching-- with Hisoka still naked and in only a towel.

“You--”

Hisoka looked around, then pointed at himself in faux surprise. 

“Me?”

Illumi felt like strangling him.

Kikyo took a deep breath in to calm herself, then exhaled through her nose. She regained her composure, standing tall. She walked towards Hisoka until she towered above him.

“I warned you hours earlier, correct? If I deemed your intentions with my son unworthy--” Her hands flexed and suddenly, she had the tips of her clawed nails at the base of Hisoka’s throat. Her oppressing aura exuded out of her like a suffocating toxin, but her voice was sweet. “--I will kill you myself.”

Hisoka looked at her hand and back up, his grin not disappearing. Illumi wasn’t sure what to do in the situation before him. He was frozen in his spot all over again. He would not defy his mother. If she wanted Hisoka dead, she will have it, like a law. Like a command.

“Mother.” Illumi heard himself say, despite himself--again. “I will be in charge of killing Hisoka when the time comes to do so.”

Kikyo’s clawed hand faltered and she looked at her son in surprise. Illumi continued to stare unblinkingly, sitting still and tense.

“Therefore, I ask you to not kill him.”

Hisoka smiled impossibly large as his eyes trailed to the side to Illumi, then up to Kikyo who's nails on his throat had begun to draw blood that dripped down his bare chest. His eyes held a dark glint in them that seemed like a challenge.

Illumi’s blood rushed in his ears. His expressionless face did not betray the heavy beating of his heart.

Hisoka glanced back to Illumi.

“Mm, How cute.” 

Kikyo’s aura still engulfed the room with a chill, her nails one second away from ripping Hisoka’s throat out. But Illumi had never personally asked for anything before.

Her nails receded as did her aura. She stepped away from Hisoka and looked at her son who was unmovingly still.

“Would you betray our family for this man?” she spoke, walking up to Illumi.

Illumi answered immediately, unquestioningly.

“No.”

Kikyo’s clawed grip went to cradle her son’s face. Hisoka watched, entertained.

“Would you kill him if it benefitted your family?”

“Yes.”

“Would you care if he died?” 

Kikyo’s head tilted, and she looked like a perfect doll as she did. Illumi responded even through the noise of the beetle in his mind and the bitterness in his throat. His eyes were empty in his reflection.

“No.”

Kikyo released her grip on her son, satisfied with the answers.

“Good.” 

She was unknowing that only the first two responses were truthful, the last one answered a millisecond later than the immediate responses of the others. Hisoka noticed it of course, if his wide grin and stare fixed on Illumi was any give away.

Kikyo regarded the half naked man seated a step away from her son. 

“You are to leave immediately, Hisoka. I am allowing my son to personally handle the affairs of your death, but that is not a final decision. I will kill you the moment I deem it necessary, and your life will end without a word of objection.”

“Yes, ma’am” Hisoka said politely. He was still staring straight at Illumi, much to Kikyo’s apparent annoyance. She huffed and turned away, walking away before stopping at the door and adding with a finality, directed at her son this time.

“Illumi. You are to give a full report of Hisoka to your father so that we can keep tabs on him. I am expecting a comprehensive amount of information, enough to control him.” She paused, still not turning around. “And-- make sure you wear protection.”

She walked out the door. Illumi’s eyes twitched, even when he felt a silent wave of relief wash over him as the oppressive aura in the room left. He ignored Hisoka’s gaze.

“Would you like to first report what my favorite candy is or about the taste of my cum?”

Illumi sighed.

Hisoka didn’t mention the elephant in the room, being Illumi went against his mother by stopping her from killing Hisoka or the fact that he had hesitated when he said he wouldn’t care if he died. But Illumi knew it weighed in Hisoka’s mind, his satisfied happy expression was obvious to that. In the distant haze of Illumi’s mind, he was aware that his relationship with Hisoka wasn’t allyship or friendship, even with benefits. He didn’t think he had to bring it up, Hisoka seemed so sure about the answer already, and smug about the fact Illumi had finally addressed it in his thoughts.

Illumi turned to Hisoka, reached a hand behind his head and crashed their lips together with a fast, messy kiss. He released Hisoka, who looked at him with surprise.

“That information isn’t necessary, Hisoka. I will see you back at the apartment complex when I am assigned to my next prolonged mission.” Illumi got up and walked away, batting away Hisoka's hands that tried grabbing at his waist, “Now leave before my mother comes back and really does kill you. I won’t stop her again.”

Hisoka burst into a genuine laughter, before smiling at Illumi, an uncharacteristic but familiar warmth in the orbs of gold as he looked at him.

“Okay.”

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *taps on microphone* it is my interpretation that hisoka is actually good for illumi in SUCH an unexpected way (and vice versa) and its SO funny how functional it is despite them being so dysfunctional LMAO.
> 
> okay thats it for this (long) oneshot LMAO gosh i love them <3 <3 <3
> 
> More news at clown o clock.
> 
> ps. hisoka also visited the manor bc he missed illumi but our illumi is a little too unaware on these type of matters to figure that out


	4. An Inconvenient Mission

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> illumi is tasked with collecting more data on hisoka's past and they end up learning more about eachother. illumi is confident even when he's losing, and hisoka enjoys watching him struggle. 
> 
> antics ensue, followed by something darker, followed by something sweeter.

Illumi was finally returning to his apartment in Yorkshin after three and a half weeks of being at the manor, and he was temporarily forbidden from receiving any official missions from any clients, for the time being. He had been released from the manor upon his father’s order and his mother’s insistence for the purpose of gathering intel on Hisoka to be reported to them both later. In that sense, Illumi _was_ being given an assignment to fulfill, but a much more inconvenient one. 

Illumi took the elevator up to the highest floor-- the 90th floor-- where their apartment complex was. As he waited in the empty elevator with nothing but elevator music to accompany the blank look in his eyes, his mind carefully picked apart his next move. Gathering intel on Hisoka to report to his father, enough valuable intel that would allow his mother to have an invisible hand controlling him, would be one of the more difficult missions Illumi had been sent to complete.

For a man that valued nothing greater than his own freedom, Illumi wondered if there even existed some piece of information on Hisoka that would make him helpless to the will of a powerful manipulator like his mother. Illumi wasn’t sure that Hisoka had anything like that in his life-- anything like emotional ties or valued possessions that could be used to subjugate him due to his will to protect said thing above his own vainglorious sense of freedom.

Someone with the mentality that people were merely toys to play with would be especially hard to control, Illumi knew that much about the man, knowing him for as long as he has. At least-- he didn’t think Hisoka could be controlled _consciously_. Illumi could still use his needles on him and make him into his perfectly obedient puppet. Maybe that would suffice for his mother.

_Would you kill this man if it benefitted your family?_

The question spoken by his mother suddenly appeared in his mind, as it sometimes did in unbidden moments of mental vulnerability such as the split second he’d let his guard down right before falling asleep or upon waking up. Illumi’s nose wrinkled at the intrusive thought. The elevator dinged, and Illumi stepped out into the hallway leading to their apartment door.

The answer each time he thought of the question was a clean, precise _yes_. And it was a truthful answer. Still, the thought of using his needles to make Hisoka into his mindless puppet edged him into an uncertain, foreign feeling of hesitance and he silently vowed to not use his needles on him. At least, not as the first option.

Illumi gave a single firm knock on the door. It opened a few seconds later to the sight of Hisoka he had become far too accustomed to in the months living with him-- casual, hair loose and free, makeup-free, un-gaudy wardrobe like he’d always have on only while staying indoors with Illumi, a wink, a bright smile, the baritone sing-song tone of his voice which permanently sounded like he was mocking you about a secret only he knew.

“Welcome home, Illu dear~”

Also, far too domestic. 

The greeting made Illumi internally cringe with only an imperceptible twitch of an eye, and he knew Hisoka was chuckling because he was aware of the disgust Illumi felt over being greeted with such lovely domesticity. “Home” he had said. His nose wrinkled, briefly, and Hisoka leaned in to peck a kiss on it to get it to return. Illumi swatted at Hisoka then, stepping inside the apartment. 

“I have returned. Hello, Hisoka.” The persistent wrinkle in his nose evened out upon finding their apartment in pristine condition. He looked around their joint kitchen and living room area, their velvet loveseats, carpet flooring and white marble countertops to find none of it a mess like the one he had half-expected. He turned to Hisoka who was standing near him, watching him.

“I was almost expecting to find a huge mess. Like a mountain of dead bodies with a pool of blood or every piece of furniture we own broken with a different colored card in it.”

“Hmm, that wouldn’t match the pretty white and purple color coordination we have in our home. But maybe some red isn’t a bad fit.” 

Illumi continued his inspection through the apartment into his room and looked around with a narrowed look of suspicion. Nothing seemed to be out of place as he inspected his closet, bathroom, bedroom, drawers. Hisoka stood at the door watching him rummage through his own things with a slight upturn of his lips. Illumi stood with a satisfied huff after he’d confirmed nothing was out of place.

“You see? I was a good boy.” Hisoka innocently put a coy finger to his lips and Illumi dismissed it, leaving his room and moved past Hisoka to collapse--more like, flop-- onto the wide couch of their living room with a long, deep sigh. 

It had been weeks of continuous work and constant doting from his mother. Illumi would not admit it even to himself, but he felt a sudden sense of calm from being away, and it left him feeling both relieved and exhausted at the same time.

Hisoka followed him, looking thoroughly amused by Illumi’s blatant show of emotion, and walked over to him to sit down at the end of the couch where his head lay, raising Illumi up and placing his head back down against his thighs.

The position was a bit more domestic than Illumi was used to, and he huffed in complaint, but otherwise felt far too boneless and resigned to move to a more suitable position, his usual position of his legs strewn across Hisoka’s lap. His recent discovery of their potential romantic involvement left him feeling unusually detached and exposed with each affectionate gesture, but he ignored it even as Hisoka began carding fingers through his hair from the top of his scalp. 

Illumi’s eyes instinctually drifted closed at the feeling and he felt Hisoka’s eyes on him-- probably delighted or self-satisfied if he had to guess, that he’d actually get him to accept and openly respond to such a domestic gesture, for once.

Hisoka continued to thread his fingers through his hair as he spoke, “So what is your newest mission now? I am assuming you have returned to Yorkshin because you’ve been assigned to one that requires your being here.”

Illumi thought on how to answer that. Deception would go a long way to maintaining the upper hand over his true intentions of uncovering the information on Hisoka he’d need. He could always ask Hisoka directly, and tell him the truth that he’d need to collect more intel on his past, any emotional ties he might still have, anything of value he’d be willing to die protecting, things of the sort, to report back to his parents. Hisoka might accept the challenge of his mother’s threat to use the information to control him. He opened his eyes and looked up at gold.

“My missions are always confidential for the sake of preserving the integrity of the transaction with our clients. I cannot give you any details.”

“I see. Will you be needing my assistance?”

“I will not.”

“Hmm, that’s boring.”

At the same time, being honest has never worked for Illumi’s favor. 

Such a way of going about things would also ultimately give the advantage to Hisoka. He had been there in his mother’s presence when she commanded Illumi to gather intel on the magician in return for sparing his life, so it’s not like Hisoka was unaware of this mandatory task, but Illumi still had the advantage of lying that he had other, priority assignments. In the luckiest case scenario, Hisoka had already forgotten about the interaction.

Hisoka began lightly dragging his nails against his scalp and Illumi’s eyes drooped closed again as he let out a quiet sigh. There were four ways he could go about learning more about Hisoka without sitting down civilly to ask him, which he’d decided he wouldn’t do. Illumi would commence his mission by attempting each one-- one by one.

His thoughts began to grind to a sluggish stop with the sensation of nails threading rhythmically against his scalp and through his hair, the hard stable firmness of thighs beneath his head, and the scent of strong cinnamon spice. He was mid-thought when he felt himself drifting away with a wave of the sleepiness that came from a certain level of relaxation. Any stiffness in his posture gave away completely and his breathing became slower, heavier as he lay against Hisoka with eyes closed and limbs slack.

“Did you fall asleep?”

Illumi heard himself reply with a distant murmur before he fully drifted off to sleep with his head on Hisoka’s lap, to the feeling of his hair being combed through, and the sound of Hisoka’s laughter coming out in exhales through his nose.

\---

Illumi woke up with a sluggish blink. His head was still laid on Hisoka’s lap on the couch, but at some point he had shifted on his side with his arms mysteriously wrapped around Hisoka’s waist in a tight embrace, his nose pressed against his clothed stomach. 

Illumi would have to ask one day, how Hisoka managed to not wake him as he moved Illumi into positions that were questionably way too affectionate every time they woke up together (and for what purpose). He brushed the thought away and quietly yawned. He detangled himself away from Hisoka to look at the clock on the wall that informed him two hours had passed--it was approaching midnight. Illumi sat up just enough to hover above Hisoka’s sleeping form.

His head was thrown back against the top of the couch on a firm cushion, a small track of saliva trailed down his slightly opened mouth as his chest rose and fell with his slow breathing. His expression slack and relaxed with eyes closed and long pale eyelashes extending out in a way that looked deceivingly delicate.

Illumi was always curiously taken aback by how peaceful the man looked as he slept, a complete contrast to the bloodthirsty crazed look of lust the man frequently sported whenever he’d spot a worthy challenger to fight, or whenever he’d spar with Illumi on the days sex wouldn’t quench the frusteration often pitted in either of the men’s stomachs from days of restless inactivity or from failure to advance on a painstakingly long stake-out mission.

Illumi kept staring for a while longer, and nodded once to himself before decidedly beginning his covert plan to dig through more information and secrets about Hisoka. Illumi lightly slapped against the magician’s cheek, which caused Hisoka’s relaxed brows to furrow, but he didn’t wake up. He gently pinched his nose and held it. With his sleeve, he wiped off the trail of saliva on his chin and placed his hand over the sleeping magician’s mouth. 

Hisoka’s brows pinched together further for many long seconds until finally golden eyes snapped open. Illumi let his hands drop from suffocating Hisoka awake to allow him to take a deep inhale of breath. He regarded Illumi’s small faux-innocent smile with a flat expression, narrowing his eyes with a slight frown. Illumi moved to sit on his lap and the complaint etched on his face disappeared, hands moved automatically to grab his waist. Before Hisoka could open his mouth to speak, Illumi beat him to it.

“Let’s go out.”

Hisoka blinked as if he hadn’t understood him, not yet fully awake from his nap. Illumi hovered closely above his face and his words sounded like a threat despite the context of the offer being the complete opposite.

“On a date.”

Hisoka blinked again with his lips formed into a small circle as the words processed in his mind, eyes still focusing from having only woken up a couple seconds ago.

“You are asking me out on a date.”

Illumi hovered in even closer until their noses almost touched in a way that was supposed to be intense and with a sense of decided finality. He nodded.

“Right now?”

Illumi nodded again.

“Okay.”

The confused expression on Hisoka’s face remained there even as he got dressed into a sharp deep purple waistcoat suit and pants, as he took the elevator down with Illumi who was dressed in a similar marine blue slimfit dress suit, in the back of the taxi, up until they sat down across from eachother in the highest floor of a fancy five star restaurant with the best view of the night skyline (Illumi had managed to convince the staff to let them enter without having made any reservations with the flash of a single convincing needle).

The waiter had just arrived with their bottle of expensive wine with the highest available alcohol content, upon Illumi’s request, pouring two glasses for them before leaving with a bow, when Illumi broke the uninterrupted silence they shared between them since leaving the apartment.

“So, Hisoka. Tell me about yourself.”

Hisoka’s confused expression deepened even further. He squinted his eyes in suspicion as he scrutinized Illumi, who ignored the look to take a graceful sip from his cup of wine.

“You are acting stranger than usual, Illumi. Care to explain what might be going on?”

Illumi emptied his glass and poured himself another cup, way past the etiquette for how much wine should go into a glass.

“We are on a date. Usually when you go on those, the other party should start elaborating through intricate details of their life so the other person could get to know them better.”

Hisoka blinked in Illumi’s direction and his face fell flat. “Illumi, we have been living together for more than half a year now.”

Illumi tilted his head. “I don’t see how that is relevant.”

“We have had sex almost every night and I have taken you out on many dates, already.”

Illumi’s eyes widened a fraction at that in surprise.

“Ah, so those were dates.”

“Hm? Of course.” Hisoka blinked at his surprise, before finally his character amused grin returned to its rightful place plastered on his face, “What is your goal for taking me out this night, then?”

“Hmmm,” Illumi put a finger on his chin in feigned thought, “I have no hidden motives. But if you would like, you can have fun trying to figure it out anyways.”

Hisoka’s lips pursed and he laughed, the noise loud and disruptive enough to cause other patrons in the diner to glance in their direction and then away with affronted scoffs. He downed his wine glass easily and went for another refill.

“You really have been influenced by me too much.”

“You say that a lot. And the answer is always no. I haven’t.”

“I disagree.” Hisoka smiled. “I have been paying attention to the small habits you’ve picked up after me. Let me enlighten you.”

Illumi went on to defend himself against Hisoka's claims that him buying the same body wash he used wasn't purely by coincidence, or his acquired habits of eating the crust off sandwiches first or eating cereal and drinking milk separately were all undoubtedly habits Illumi developed from Hisoka. After three bottles of wine of back and forth banter, Illumi still hadn’t managed to scour any details on Hisoka. Three shared bottles of wine was not nearly enough to get himself drunk-- and with a noted curiosity, not enough to get Hisoka drunk either.

He did feel a very slight, very miniscule buzz that made him feel looser than usual, however. It’s when Illumi was signalling the waiter for their second bottle of brandy, that he noticed Hisoka’s usually sharp gold eyes begin to grow unfocused as his face held a pinker shade than it’s usual pale complexion. Hisoka had a high tolerance for the intoxication they were undergoing, but Illumi still held more of his consciousness than Hisoka did. It was only a matter of time, now.

He decided to act.

“Hey, Hisoka.” Illumi started. He finished his last bite of chocolate cake and leaned forward, as if he were about to tell Hisoka a secret. Hisoka followed, leaning in obediently and Illumi continued. “You’ve never told me much about yourself, even though I have known you for many years now.”

“Hmmmmm.”

“Why don’t you tell me a secret? Something that you haven’t told anyone before.” Illumi tried to be inconspicuous and casual, but the alcohol was making it difficult to be subtle and he looked at Hisoka with an open-eyed, bated stare.

“Hmmmm.” Hisoka looked at Illumi’s owlish stare with suspicion. “You want to know?”

Illumi leaned in further. He could smell Hisoka’s breath from the distance-- wine, brandy, and velvet cake. Hisoka finished his glass of brandy and crossed the space between them to plant a cold, wet drunken kiss on the corner of his mouth.

“I am not nearly drunk enough to tell you. Sorry, Illu, but your plan didn’t work.”

Illumi leaned away from the close proximity they had and crossed his arms in a stubborn show of defiance. Ah well. Plan number one to invite Hisoka for a midnight dinner and get him drunk enough to start blabbering unspoken details of his life had failed.

“Well, you seem pretty drunk to me.”

Hisoka laughed. “You might be right. A little bit.” He leaned his head in his hand. “You aren’t a very good liar. It’s ironic, given lying is part of a manipulator’s job. You are more of a straightforward person, in the end.”

“You only figured it out because you heard my mother directly order me to gather information on you. You would not have figured out my plan otherwise.”

Illumi raised a finger and pointed it to his nose, “And you yourself aren’t exempt from judgement. Transmuters are supposed to be wonderfully compliant nen users that listen to their big brothers no matter what and follow their example and obey what they tell them. But you aren’t any of those things, so you don’t have the right to try and analyze my lying capabilities.”

Hisoka blinked, then squinted. “Illumi.. Are you drunk?”

Illumi looked down into his now empty fourth glass of brandy, from their almost finished second bottle of the liquor. He hadn’t even noticed when he drank it.

“Ah, maybe a little bit.”

“Do you want to go home, or would you like to continue trying to get information out of me? I am okay with either option. Although, I would like to see how you will carry through with your plan even with me knowing what it is.”

“I will see you completely through and compile a sizable database on you, Hisoka. It has been decided.” Illumi leaned his head on his hand, mirroring Hisoka, a loose strand of hair falling into his face which he didn’t bother to fix. He was pretty drunk, at this point. “You can’t stop it.”

Hisoka ungracefully snorted like Illumi had told him a joke, but it didn’t seem unkind like he was making fun of him. Illumi was completely serious, after all.

“I look forward to it, Illumi. I am wearing pink underwear right now, if that helps with your data collection.”

“All your underwear is pink,” Illumi said with his speech beginning to sound more inebriated with each passing minute, the effects of the alcohol creeping up on them both.

Hisoka giggled. “I know.”

“And while we are on the topic of wardrobe," Illumi put a finger down on the table like a judge slamming down their gavel, "I think your sock collection is stupid.”

After a second of silence, Hisoka dissolved into a fit of giggles. The restaurant attendant had to step in and fearfully ask the two men to leave when giggling turned into an explosive fit of laughter when Illumi began peering deeply into the empty brandy bottle like he was trying to find a shipwrecked letter inside of it.

They easily accepted their eviction off the premises, but Illumi couldn’t help the close-mouthed snort that loudly sounded from his throat when Hisoka tripped on the leg on the table while getting up, sending the glass he was still tending to flying to the floor in a loud shatter. They both watched as a man in a tuxedo stepped on a single icecube that had managed to slide away several tables over, and it caused him to slip in a dramatic flail of limbs and fall on his back in a cartoonish fashion.

In a domino effect, a woman in pearls shrieked.

A child began crying.

Hisoka, who hadn’t stopped laughing, looked like he was about to start crying with tears brimming in the corners of his eyes. Illumi couldn’t help himself, as drunk as he was, and laughed alongside Hisoka at the display that kept ascending into more chaos. The attendant looked like he was about to cry himself as he desperately pushed them both into the elevator and eventually, without much hassle on either of their parts, out the door.

They were out on the streets when Illumi looked at Hisoka who looked back at him simultaneously with a dopey grin. "I think that maybe... we won't be allowed back here," Illumi said with an uncharacteristic smile on his face. Hisoka snorted.

Illumi’s first plan had failed with Hisoka discovering his motives, but that was not a scenario Illumi hadn’t prepared for. As they both walked together into their apartment with significantly hindered steps and crossed vision, mental clarity out the window as they laughed at every miniscule thing (Illumi pointed at a large spider on a wall and said 'Hello Chrollo' and Hisoka went ballistic), neither could muster the will to not collapse together onto the couch and fall asleep.

\---

Plan number one failed, but Illumi still held an advantage. Hisoka was unaware that his mission to gain more intel on the magician was his number one priority, and that he didn’t actually have any other focus besides that. He made sure to use it to his benefit, the following morning they woke up together from a drunken stupor at midday. Illumi had woken up first, clear headed, and used the time to take a shower and get dressed into his assassin’s gear. 

He would need only one lead to stem off from, and his best chances at that would be to analyze what Hisoka did when he believed nobody else was watching. It was to his additional benefit that Hisoka woke up with a groan and the signs of a hangover-- his mental clarity would be compromised, and Illumi could use that opportunity to track his every movement without needing to account for his possible suspicion.

Illumi walked over to the kitchen where Hisoka was sitting with his head on top of the countertop in nothing but his pink underwear, looking positively miserable.

“How is your head not splitting?”

Illumi opened up the fridge and rummaged inside until he found what he was looking for and took out several miscellaneous cups and flasks of unnamed food products and ingredients.

“I am immune to all kinds of poisons, and alcohol is hardly worse than arsenic.”

“Still, that hardly seems fair.”

Illumi was at work mixing an ungodly mixture of products into a mug and stirring it, before putting the mug into the microwave to heat for a minute. The microwave dinged and he brought it out, passing it towards Hisoka who hadn’t moved from his lifeless position draped over the kitchen countertop.

“Drink this.”

Hisoka brought his head up to blink at the concoction. He took a sip before promptly slapping a hand over his mouth in an audible gag and a forceful swallow. After he gained composure and won his battle over nausea, he turned to Illumi with a frown. 

“Illumi. What is in this drink?”

Illumi gave him a smile, ticking off each ingredient with a raised finger, “Pickle juice, honey, menthol, mint, ketchup, chocolate milk, salt--”

“That’s okay, you don’t have to tell me the rest.” Hisoka looked visibly ill and stared at his mug like it was an opponent not even he wanted to fight.

“It will help ease the worst of your hangover. I am helping you.” Illumi hovered closer to Hisoka and gently pushed the mug in his direction, but the action looked more like a command, or a threat. Hisoka continued staring at it in disgust.

“I appreciate it but I think I may die if I drink that.”

“Overcoming the possibility of death is the first principle of immunity training. And I did not add any poison in this, so that isn’t a realistic outcome anyways. Now, drink it.”

Hisoka looked up at Illumi with a flat expression and downturned lips. His complexion looked a little green. In essence, he looked miserable enough for Illumi to decide to leave him be, instead of forcing the drink down his throat.

“I suppose you will just have to wait until you are sick enough to realize that drinking this is a better solution than not.” Illumi walked towards the front door.

“Are you leaving?” Hisoka raised his head and quirked a brow in his direction.

“I must go begin my mission. My goal to collect intel on you will have to be postponed until I get back. I will be out the entire day.”

Hisoka hummed. “Dinner was fun. You should take me out on spontaneous dates more often.”

Illumi blinked twice in his direction before turning away and walking out the door. He had forgotten that he had admitted to calling it a date. Or the fact that Hisoka confirmed his suspicion that their frequent outings were in fact, dates. He had said it easily, and Illumi was realizing that perhaps he was the only one with any confusion on the matter.

He went down the elevator, walked out the building, and activated his zetsu. He then went back into the building, up the elevator, and up one floor higher than their apartment, to the roof. He had been lucky they had the highest available apartment flat, it would make his spying job much easier.

With a hop off the ledge of the roof, Illumi climbed down the wall of the building on the 90th floor to silently peek in through the side of the window that led to the back porch. Hisoka was still seated in the kitchen dragging a finger along the rim of the mug and grimacing down at it, leaning down to sniff it before shuddering. His second plan to spy on Hisoka and gain some semblance of information from him like that had begun.

\---

Illumi kept hanging on the walls outside their apartment without any problem, scaling around it to peek in through the other windows of their apartment when Hisoka would leave his sight. 

12:30pm: Hisoka struggled for fifteen minutes to drink his anti-hangover concoction, gagging after each sip taken. But eventually, he did finish it, much to Illumi’s quiet satisfaction.

1:00pm: He made himself french toast, went to the fridge and came up with a jug of milk. Instead of pouring himself a glass, he drank directly from the jug. Illumi felt his eye involuntarily twitch.

2:00pm: Hisoka took a shower, drew in his facepaint methodically, combed his hair up, got dressed into his usual gear.

He didn’t take much time to decide he would be going out. Illumi assumed he had gotten bored in their apartment without anything to do. He had never questioned what Hisoka usually did when he was out on missions before-- the sudden curiosity over the question hit him and he continued peering into the bedroom window as Hisoka touched up on his still-post-drunk winded appearance by swiping a black pencil eyeliner on his bottom waterline.

Realizing he was almost done, Illumi tore his eyes away from his almost hypnotic make-up application routine and climbed back up to the roof and quickly got to work on changing his appearance. He inserted needles into his skin until he took on the appearance of an unassuming middle-aged man with green eyes, short brown hair, a fair bit shorter than Illumi’s normal height, and a square jawline.

As soon as he was done, he jumped down flights of stairs to the first floor (not before changing into a pancho he borrowed from a mannequin outside the indoor shop of their apartment building). Perfectly timed, Hisoka was just emerging out from the elevator and walking in confident strides out the building. Illumi tailed him from behind, keeping a few feet of distance between them.

3:30pm: Hisoka was walking through the streets seemingly aimlessly, until finally, after walking several blocks, he turned to enter into a building-- a bank, Illumi noted. 

He wasn’t sure what business Hisoka could possibly have in a bank, and wondered mildly if he had taken on bank robbery as a pastime, even if it didn’t seem very likely of him. Money had never been a primary motivator of his, and robbing a bank would be too easy for Hisoka.

Illumi walked into the bank after him, hiding behind an ATM machine and feigned making a transaction. He was close enough that he could hear him speak to the bank teller that greeted him with a familiar “Good evening, Mr. Morrow.”

“Hello. I need to pay five overdraft fees on my account.”

The teller replied with a sort of suppressed desperation in her voice, as if she were thoroughly fed up.

“Mr. Morrow, are you sure you don’t want me to transfer money from your savings into your checking account? You wouldn’t be charged all these fees if you had money in your checkings.”

“No, thank you.”

“Would you like to sign up for an overdraft protection plan, at least? To cover some of your weekly charges from them?”

“Hmmm. No. There is some excitement to be had from paying bills without knowing whether it will be overdrafted or not, isn’t there?”

The bankteller gave a deep, suffering sigh. “Luckily, Mr. Morrow, your consistent fees will not be affecting your credit score. But please, I am personally asking you to consider signing up for the protection program.”

“I’ll think about it.” Hisoka fished out his wallet--Illumi didn’t realize he had a wallet, or a bank account to begin with actually, he hadn’t thought about how exactly he paid his bills, having only seen him pay for them through his phone-- and finished the transaction. Illumi followed him out the door a few seconds after he walked out.

4:15pm: Hisoka kept walking until the streets became more worn down, potholes lined the broken concrete ground and shady business owners stood outside smoking. He turned left into a long alleyway and Illumi stood at its entrance, peeking his head in as Hisoka made his way deeper into the alley, then stopping in the middle. 

Illumi saw him fish out his phone and dial a number.

“I’ve made it to our usual meet up spot,” he said in a carefree drawl. “But you aren’t here yet, I see.” Hisoka turned his head to look around and Illumi had to quickly draw back before he could notice him. He jumped on the roof of a shoddy business to peer above into the alleyway instead.

Just then, he noticed a frail old lady with a hunched back and oddly well-defined muscles make her way into the alleyway from the opposite side. Hisoka greeted the old woman with a polite smile, then hung up the phone.

“You look great as ever, Miss Madison.”

The old woman chortled a laugh followed by a hacking cough. “Your flattery won’t help ya’ score cheaper prices from me, boy. You’re lucky I’m a widow by choice, or else I woulda sent my husband to come hit ya’ with his cane. Now, pay up before he comes back from the grave.”

Hisoka handed the old woman a certain amount of cash, and she reached into her purse to pass on a suspicious looking transparent ziplock bag filled with-- Illumi looked closer and squinted-- pieces of wrapped gum?

“That would be unfortunate. You are the only retailer to have this brand of gum still in stock. I’m not sure picking a fight a skeleton would pay in my favor.”

The old woman barked a laugh until she began wheezing and slamming her bony fist against her chest to loosen the phlegm that had caught in her throat. Hisoka looked at her with a somewhat bored expression.

“You kill me, boy.”

“I would hope not.”

The frail woman brought a wrinkled hand to wipe away at the tears that formed from her laughter before turning away and shouting behind her back as she walked away, “See you next shipment, Hisoka.”

5:00pm: Hisoka pocketed his large bag of--gum, of all things--, Illumi didn’t understand this entire transaction he’d witnessed but brushed away the question when Hisoka began moving again. He continued to follow Hisoka from place to place, but the remaining hours with the sun in the sky went without saying-- completely stale and devoid of anything he’d been looking for.

5:30pm: Hisoka went to a party central store and came out with thirty-five new decks of cards.

6:00pm: He bought a large burger and fries from a fast-food chain restaurant and ate it on the roof of a tall building, looking down impassively at civilians, scanning through them as if hoping to find someone interesting.

6:30pm: Hisoka walked by a park and idly threw bread at a flock of pigeons cooing, seeming entertained by watching them all desperately fight over a single piece of bread before walking away a minute later.

6:45pm: Hisoka walked into a pub, ordered a single club soda with lime, then left the moment he finished it, leaving his payment and a tip under the empty cup.

7:00pm: Five large drunken men hollered and hooted at Hisoka from an alley next to a corner store, and Hisoka regarded them all with peaked interest. 

Illumi could feel the bloodlust emerging from him even from where he was at, and he didn’t have to guess what happened next as he heard the sound of panicked, frightened screaming all simultaneously muted by a loud squelch and splatter. Hisoka came out of the alley with an easygoing expression before turning to continue his walk through the streets.

7:30pm: Hisoka was making his way back in the direction of their apartment. He stopped in front of a pet shop, looking into the viewing window where a little black cat slept peacefully curled up inside of a cage. He saw Hisoka pull out his phone and snap a photo of the cat, typing away at his phone before pocketing it with a small chuckle, before continuing his walk.

Not a second later, Illumi felt his phone vibrate in his pocket. He pulled it out to briefly check if the message was from his father, but saw the contact under the new message from Hisoka, plus the words _photo attached_ , and Illumi didn’t have to open up the text to know what its contents were.

He sighed, pocketing the phone again. When he looked up from his momentary distraction, Illumi made direct eye contact with Hisoka, who had stopped walking to look behind him directly at Illumi from a few feet away.

_Ah, shit_.

He quickly broke eye contact and continued walking, casually. There were a few other civilians around them, and his appearance was changed, so there was no reason to believe Hisoka had noticed it was him. 

But Hisoka was still standing there, and Illumi could feel his eyes on him even as he kept walking forward, blending in with the unassuming crowd of civilians littering the near-empty streets. He was almost near Hisoka and felt his scrutinizing eyes on him even as he walked right next to him, and straight passed him as he carried on with an easy, natural gait. 

He heard the slow clicking of heeled steps continue right behind him and knew that Hisoka was following him. He would continue to play it cool and natural. Illumi made it to the entrance of their apartment building, but walked straight by. If Hisoka decided to keep following him, Illumi knew he had been caught. 

He heard Hisoka’s steps stop and felt eyes boring into the back of his head. Finally, after a moment’s hesitance, he felt Hisoka’s presence fade away as he walked through the entrance of their apartment building. Illumi felt a silent wave of relief. He hadn’t noticed him.

Illumi slipped into an alleyway and disposed of his poncho by ripping it to shreds--Hisoka had seen it, so he couldn’t risk it being found-- and carefully removed the needles inserted all along his face and spine, feeling the bone shift and his hair fan out around him as he returned back to normal. He had kept up his transformation for only a couple of hours but it was enough for his bones to feel sore, anyways. Illumi allowed himself a deep sigh.

“How long were you following me?”

Illumi blinked and looked up without flinching at the noise right above him-- Hisoka was crouched on top of the building looking into the alley with a large fanged smile.

_Ah, shit_.

“I wasn’t following you.”

Hisoka jumped down in front of Illumi and quirked a brow at him.

“The whole day.”

Hisoka looked immediately turned on by that, his eyes narrowing as his tongue darted out to lick his lips. He stepped closer to Illumi as aura seeped out from him, dark-purplish black and pink like a bruise.

“Did you find what you were looking for?”

Illumi reached out to put a finger on the tip of Hisoka’s nose, not reacting to the sudden thick aura of lust enveloping them. “Your days are more normal than I thought they’d be, for you at least.”

Hisoka crowded over Illumi and brought a card out from nowhere, putting the edge of it against Illumi’s bottom lip. “Would you like to help me remedy that problem, Illumi?”

“I can but only if you fill out an autobiographical card of recollections of your past, your blood type, where you were born exactly, etcetera.”

“No. But keep trying, this is really entertaining so far.”

“I can just force the information out of you, you know.”

Hisoka appeared to be even more turned on at the idea of Illumi trying, and his eyes grew brighter. Pupils blown in arousal. “Hmm. But you won’t.” 

Hisoka was nearly pressed against Illumi in the alleyway, his card dragging his bottom lip as he looked at him with eyes full of predatory intent, challenging him to disagree or to fight him or fuck him, Illumi wasn’t sure. His aura was still thick with lust and it pressed around Illumi at all sides. He pushed Hisoka off him with a huff, dropping the challenge, and they walked to their apartment together, Hisoka smiling in tow.

Illumi didn’t have to tell him that he wasn’t exactly wrong.

  
  


\---

It was the next morning, and Illumi had not made any progress. The most he had gotten from his failed attempt #2 was that Hisoka buys exported gum and pays overdraft fees every week. He couldn’t stalk his movements anymore either, that plan had been discarded the moment he was caught (Illumi was still not entirely sure what gave him away, exactly).

He decided to enact plan number 3-- figure out what he could from other people. Without delay, he took out his phone and looked through his few contacts until he found the one he was looking for. He rapidly fired a text. 

_Illumi: 8:00am--- Hello, Chrollo. Do you conduct any sort of background checks upon becoming a member of the troupe?_

Illumi strolled into the kitchen, where Hisoka had been busy making waffles, and sat down on a stool with his phone in hand.

_Chrollo_ : _8:05am--- Hello, Illumi. What a nice surprise to hear from you again after some time. Are you considering my offer of joining?_

“Do you want waffles?” Illumi glanced up from his phone to nod at Hisoka eagerly. Then back down to shoot off another text.

_Illumi_ : _8:06am--- I was just wondering if that sort of thing is required for new members._

_Chrollo: 8:07am--- I see. To answer your question briefly, no. I have never investigated the background of any of the troupe members upon their joining or forcefully demand they tell me anything, for the sake of allowing every person to keep their secrecy. However, most members already come from similar places with similar circumstances._

Illumi thought about that. If there is one thing he did know that was shared between both Chrollo and Hisoka was that they came from the same city growing up. Meteor city was isolated enough as it was, and their ages were not too far apart. If anyone knew any incriminating details of Hisoka’s life, it would be Chrollo. Illumi wasn’t sure why he hadn’t thought to ask him from the very beginning, as his first plan of action.

Hisoka passed Illumi a plate of waffles and a bottle of syrup and sat across from him with his own plate. He stared at him as he ate from his plate and Illumi gave him a slow blink as he accepted the waffles, before shooting out another text.

_Illumi: 8:09am--- I need information from you. In return, I will offer you payment in the form of cash or my services._

_Chrollo: 8:10am--- Of course. Depending on what it is, there is no need for any payment. What do you need, Illumi?_

Hisoka brought a fork without any waffle on it up to Illumi’s mouth, and without looking, Illumi bit around the waffle-less fork. He looked up from his phone screen at Hisoka’s amused smile.

“What has you so distracted this morning?”

“Nothing.”

Illumi pushed the fork away with his tongue as he typed out another text.

_Illumi: 8:12am--- I need whatever information you can give me on Hisoka._

Hisoka hummed, continuing his meal whilst continuing to stare. For the most part, Illumi ignored him and absentmindedly ate his waffles with one hand, the other hand occupied with his phone.

_Chrollo: 8:16am--- I understand... He did not offer much during his time as a troupe member, but I can give you some information on Hisoka from what I remember hearing during my days in Meteor City. However, it is not much._

Success. All he needed was one lead, and he could go from there. Illumi went for another forkful of waffle but took a forkful of air and table instead. He looked down at his plate to find it moved beyond his reach, a strand of bungee gum having moved it away, interfering with the trajectory of his fork. He looked at Hisoka, who was watching him with an all-too-amused expression. Illumi reached out for his plate of waffles but Hisoka moved it beyond his reach again.

“Hisoka.”

“Hm?” Hisoka ate from his plate peacefully. Illumi squinted his eyes at him. He feigned reaching for his plate again as it dutifully glided out of his reach, before swiftly stealing the fork from Hisoka’s hand and popping the piece of waffle on the fork into his mouth.

_Illumi: 8:18am--- Anything you can tell me will be enough._

“You eat your waffles dry.” Illumi commented, finally paying attention to Hisoka with a sense of satisfaction from his successful interaction with Chrollo.

Hisoka glided his plate back to him as he snatched his fork back from Illumi, amused expression still on display.

“You are the one with the sickening love for maple syrup.”

Illumi emptied out the rest of the bottle onto his waffles. Somehow, it didn’t feel like enough.

“Maybe.”

Hisoka thought about that, bringing his cheek to his hand as he studied Illumi. 

“You’re in a good mood today. Something happen?”

A text from Chrollo pinged and Illumi opened it immediately, ignoring Hisoka’s question altogether.

_Chrollo: 8:23am--- I never personally met Hisoka from our times growing up in Meteor City. However, from what I can recall, he was a fairly popular topic in rural culture back then. Being raised by the circus, he was well known throughout the populace as being a public entertainer. I do not know much else beyond that, unfortunately, as I was not well kept up to date with the local folklore._

Illumi saw the crack made in the soil, the opportunity for digging deeper on Hisoka’s mysterious past. He remembered what he had told him months ago-- the recollection of being an urban legend in the slums, having killed both his parents and covered in their blood, laughing in the heavy rain. He had mentioned being taken in by the circus then too, but he had never elaborated more than that.

If he could gain more information on this circus, he could trace its origins and discover the details on Hisoka's entire childhood, and report that back to his parents where namely his mother would use the intelligence to amplify the effectiveness of her manipulative nen--whether she'd use her strengthened nen on Hisoka was beyond the scope of his mission, and he didn't think more about it than that.

Being distracted by his thoughts, he narrowly avoided Hisoka’s very slowly, very discreetly approaching hand that had almost reached his phone. He batted away Hisoka’s prying hands and sent another text.

_Illumi: 8:27am--- Do you know more about this circus group?_

_Chrollo: 8:29am--- Unfortunately not. The only thing I know is that their circus performances were controversial and far more violent than what you would expect from a typical circus act. The circus troupe was widely renowned throughout the slums but still hidden away from the general public. However, these performances were recorded by the circus troupe themselves to be showcased online in underground criminal webcam rooms, so I am certain there might be records kept on them and each of the members somewhere, including Hisoka. Perhaps in deeply concealed databases._

_Illumi: 8:31am--- My offer for payment or my services still stands._

_Chrollo: 8:31am--- There is no need. Did that help at all?_

_Illumi: 8:32am--- Yes. I am in your debt._

_Chrollo: 8:33am--- My pleasure, Illumi._

Illumi finished his plate and stood up, gathering Hisoka’s empty plate as well and put them both in the dishwasher. He started for his room, ignoring Hisoka’s questioning gaze and closed the door behind him. He had to make a phone call to Milluki to request a favor from him again.

\---

His most promising plan, plan #3, had crashed and failed before it even had the chance to sail. In no way did Illumi ever think to physically attack any of his siblings in the genuine attempt to harm, but Milluki had a way of testing him that no other sibling had before. Killua was exempt on the basis that he was perfect, and Illumi did not hold any qualms against him, even if he decided one day that he wanted to kill his big brother. Milluki did not have such leeway.

Upon requesting his little brother to do some investigating through databases to uncover more on Hisoka’s past and the circus troupe in Meteor City, Milluki had responded by saying, quote, _Illu-nii, what, how the hell did you get my personal phone number? No way, I did you one favor already. I’m not gonna go digging up dirt on your boyfriend now, I’m busy._ He momentarily hung up the phone on Illumi right after. 

Illumi called 37 times after that, to his personal phone until he blocked his number, to butlers that insisted Milluki was unavailable, to his personal phone again, this time leaving silent voicemails until his inbox became full. Milluki had made the mistake of growing too comfortable in his absence. It seemed he had forgotten who Illumi was, and he would be sure to make him remember when he had the chance. This show of disobedience was unacceptable, and it was up to him to amend this behavior.

The sound of his door opening roused Illumi out of his quiet brooding.

“Illumi, you are leaking aura again and I want to be a part of whatever is causing this reaction of yours.”

He hadn’t been relying on plan #4, but he was left with only the final straw. He would have to go on the offensive and hit Hisoka directly in the weakness Illumi noted he had from the moment he first met him.

Illumi got up and stalked over to Hisoka at the door in smooth, controlled movements. He closed the door behind him and trailed a hand slowly up the back of Hisoka’s neck and into his hair. He leaned in and exhaled a breath on the skin at the base of his ear. Brushed lips faintly down his neck from the junction between his jaw and his ear.

“Hmm, not a bad tactic.”

Illumi spun him around and pushed him onto his bed, pressing in closely above him as he continued to land slow kisses on the side of his neck. Hisoka hummed in approval as he leaned back accepting the glow of Illumi’s sole attention.

“Your plan to seduce information out of me won’t work if we’ll just end up having sex, you know.”

Illumi’s hand went under Hisoka’s shirt to graze over ribs and the hard muscle of his abdomen as he moved the trail of sensual kisses along the ridge of an ear. He muttered quietly by his ear, “I am sure you can multi-task.”

Hisoka voiced a small groan. “You are making this very difficult.”

Illumi sat on his lap and straddled him. His hands went to work out the knots in the muscle along his shoulders in slow, deliberate kneading motions.

“That is the point.”

Hisoka sighed contentedly. “Would you still shower me in these sensual gestures if I told you the real way you could get me to give you information on myself?”

Illumi tilted his head, and the strands brushed by Hisoka’s face. The kneading of his hands stopped in question but he kept his close contact.

“This method would not work?”

Hisoka grabbed the strand and kissed it. “As much as I get turned on by seeing you struggle, I will tell you now that it will not.”

Illumi hummed in thought with his head still tilted.

“I will award you if you told me, yes.”

Hisoka planted a kiss on Illumi’s chin. “Equivalent exchange.”

Illumi blinked in confusion.

“For every detail of my life I give you, you must also give me a detail of yours.”

Illumi blinked again. “Ah, that is a surprisingly fair deal.”

Hisoka smiled, “I am but an honest and fair soul, at heart.”

Illumi thought about this. It would give them both an equal advantage, instead of the advantage Illumi seeked to have over Hisoka-- a fair compromise, and one that wouldn’t jeopardize any confidential intel of the Zoldyck name. 

Nothing could be used as a weapon to imperil his family by giving Hisoka more information of his own life, even if those two things were intimately intertwined. They would be on an equal playing field. Not much Hisoka’s style, given that Illumi was aware Hisoka liked having power and control over people almost as much as he did. The price was almost too simple. It was almost too easy. 

“Deal.”

Hisoka grinned and brought Illumi closer with his hands wrapped around his waist. Illumi was still straddled on his lap with his hands on his shoulders.

“What would you like to know?”

Illumi’s answer came easy, the curiosity of the question hot on his tongue, “I want to know more about your time working for the circus.”

“Okay.” Hisoka broke his eye contact away from Illumi as he looked up in thought before meeting his eyes again, “Did you know my last name is not actually Morrow?”

Illumi’s eyes showed no reaction, but his hands dropped to his lap and he scooted an inch closer to Hisoka, prompting him with an owlish stare, interest peaked. Hisoka chuckled darkly and gave him more.

“As you are already aware, I killed my parents when I was twelve years old and was adopted by the circus troupe upon seeing the display of my violence. ‘Morrow’ was the last name they gave me.”

Illumi’s head tilted. “What was your last name before that?”

“I didn’t have one. I was never given a name, let alone a last name.” Hisoka didn’t flinch or hesitate, only smiled a little wider and kept staring into deep black as he yielded a fragment of his past to him like it was nothing. “The people who brought me into this world abandoned any trace of their past and couldn’t afford to leave walking evidence of their existence, so they kept me alive with the condition that they never bothered to name me. Some people go to Meteor City on purpose to disappear, after all. If I wasn’t such a good swindler for money, I may not have had the same luck.”

Illumi let the newfound fact linger in his mind. Something strange and cold coiled inside him like a serpent as he imagined Hisoka at the age of twelve, dirty and without a sense of identity, kept alive only by the virtue of petty card tricks to make an earning for a family that valued him so little as to not even bother giving him a name.

“And your first name?”

Hisoka broke out into a laugh suddenly and his head lolled up from the force of it. It made the corners of Illumi’s lips tug downward. He didn’t understand what was so funny. Hisoka calmed down into faint chuckles.

“I gave myself that name. I was a pretty popular entertainer in the circus because of my bungee gum. Nobody in the audience could ever figure out how I did my tricks, and I would use it to my advantage in my performances.” 

Hisoka snickered, like it was a joke only he understood. “Because of that, I gained popularity as being the demon child of the circus. My circus partners who took me in forcefully made me do each of these performances or else I wouldn't eat that day, and I became quite good at making the crowd scream in horror from the hand-crafted, perfectly gruesome scenes I'd create. Something always ended up dead, torn shred by shred without me even having moved a muscle. I gained quite the reputation from it. People were so appalled by me, but they never looked away.

“I decided to go with ‘Hisoka’ because I saw the name in a child picturebook. That’s where I learned that the name meant ‘trickster’ and ‘deceitful’, but it somehow felt more like it meant ‘repulsive’. I thought there was something so charmingly familiar about that, considering that is how I was regarded on a daily basis, so I decided to inherit the name as my own. I preferred it much more than the mean insults, and it has a nice ring to it when its snarled out, anyways.”

Hisoka had been giving him much more information than he originally bargained for, more for his database and to be reported to his mother and father. But Illumi felt a cold weight in his chest twist and something raw and bitter creep from somewhere deep inside him, and he didn’t understand it. It was a new emotion, he distinguished with a vague acknowledgement, something Hisoka often subjected him to. 

Almost as if noting the quiet shift within him with his tone an amused curiosity, Hisoka paused and asked. “Do you want to hear more?”

Illumi broke eye contact to look down at his fists, claws oddly extended and he forced them to relax. He kept his eyes there.

“No, that is enough.”

The vile, cold feeling from the acknowledgement of the new information bared to him with the picture of a child Hisoka detested and unwanted, left Illumi feeling strange. It left him feeling like he wanted to hold Hisoka in close enough to the point of crushing him until he couldn’t breathe, and keep a distance away from him at the same time for managing to get under his skin with the bubbling of this new emotion. He looked back up to Hisoka and orbs of gold bore into his own deep black closer than before. Hisoka pecked a kiss on his nose.

“I believe it is my turn to ask you a question.”

Illumi had almost forgotten. He shoved aside the emotion as best as he could, even though the bitter taste in his mouth and coldness permeated and stuck to him, and prepared his exchange of information like the professional he was, even while he was still seated on Hisoka’s lap. Hisoka still staring into deep black, curiosity surfacing in the magician’s expression.

“Have your eyes always been like this?”

Illumi blinked, not understanding the question. Hisoka elaborated, “Your eyes are lovely. I want to know if they have always been lifeless and empty like this.”

Illumi tilted his head, wondering that of all the questions Illumi was willing to answer, Hisoka would waste it on something so trivial.

“No. They haven’t.” Hisoka’s eyes widened in sudden fascination, and Illumi continued, “At one point, they were bright like all my younger brother’s eyes.”

“Were they a different color other than black?”

Illumi tried not to look exasperated. “No, they were still black. But they reflected too much light and gave way to too much emotion. As the eldest, I had to be the perfect example my future younger siblings could look up to, and as the sole focus of both my mother’s and father’s attention, I was refined to be void of any and all weaknesses in order to live up to that perfect standard I had to set. It is the oldest’s job to do so for the sake of the family.”

Hisoka hummed and his eyes kept their easygoing expression, but his hands tightened around Illumi’s waist and Illumi felt the pinch of nails lightly digging into the fabric there.

“However, the way they shaped you into this perfect example was rather unconventional, no?”

Illumi blinked, not really understanding. “My father would give me physical endurance training for days without end in order to make me completely tolerant to pain. On the days I would be given a break due to being on the brink of death from my injuries, my mother would sit by my side as my body healed itself and taught me the purpose of my existence for the family. They both spent more time on me than any of my other siblings because I had the added responsibility of being the strongest and most capable in order to protect the future heir, and I honored all these teachings by trying to teach the same thing to Killu.” 

Illumi frowned at the memory of Killua rejecting the notion Illumi tried teaching him during the hunter exam when he faced him, “Everything they have taught me was for the greater purpose of benefiting the family. The reason my eyes are this way is the fruits of their efforts to shape me into the perfect model.” Illumi wasn’t sure what about any of that was unconventional, as Hisoka says. It made perfect sense to Illumi, but he didn’t truly fault him for not understanding. "That is the reason why I will find Killu from wherever he is hiding to bring him back to the manor so we can be together again as a happy family, but I am sure he will eventually do so willingly because he loves his big brother the most out of anyone else."

Hisoka didn’t say anything, only narrowed his eyes a fraction with something dark and destructive in them, even if the smile on his face didn’t change. “My, you really do have issues.” Illumi didn’t respond to that, but Hisoka kept him pinned with the tight grip on his waist and the dark intensity in his stare. Suddenly, the close space between them felt too exposing and open, the position on his lap too intimate. Illumi tried shifting off him, but Hisoka did not budge.

“Illumi…” Hisoka pressed in close and unrelenting, “What exactly did they do to you to make you this disturbed?” His voice was amused and singsongy in its usual cadence, but his eyes betrayed his emotions-- they were dark, ominous, with something cold and wrathful. 

Even if Illumi’s eyes gave way to none of that--they couldn’t anymore--, he couldn’t deny that the look in Hisoka’s eyes matched the feeling in his chest he couldn’t quite put a name to. Emptiness and coldness were as close a match as he could find, with something stronger and more desperate in the mix.

Illumi’s eyes were pinned and trapped in the strangeness behind Hisoka’s and he was suddenly pulled in by the revealing window of those emotions he found in them, open and honest and hypocritical to Hisoka’s lying nature and smile. Their noses touched. And like a magnet, their lips met in the middle in the short space between them, in a kiss that felt strange and wrong and overtly different.

“Hisoka,” Illumi breathed when they parted, but the name carried a different weight than before. Hisoka drank it in as he kissed him again, deeper this time, fingers brushing skin as his shirt was pulled off, quietly followed by Hisoka’s own shirt, before their lips met again. There was another message in their kiss opposite from the usual scorching heat they often shared--it was something more bitter, more sour, like the remainders from the destruction of a burnt city. Hopeless and twisted as they took comfort in the ruins. The rawness of their charring kiss left Illumi feeling as exposed and opened apart like everytime they’d had sex.

The tenderness of Hisoka’s touch was just as electric as the sensation of whips burning through flesh. Illumi still hadn’t gotten used to the feeling of being touched so delicately, but it felt more pronounced now, with his touch especially careful and deliberately soft and slow. The tender brush of skin on skin as their bare chests pressed together and fingers brushed on ribs and arms and his stomach and back, felt more like Hisoka was showering him with reverence. 

It felt violent, like he were forcefully imprinting the memory of his gentle touch over the memory of the feeling of chains grating against his wrists in bruising force, the trail of kisses Hisoka began leaving over his chest imprinting over the memory of where a knife had once slashed deep, over and over until he learned to stop reacting to the pain even when it hurt blindly.

Illumi continued breathing his name with every exhale, between every kiss and sigh, the only thing he could offer in rebuttal, like he was erasing the word from the cold, sad upsetting nature of its origin and forcing the memory of his whispering, breathy moans in its stead. Just like Hisoka had imprinted his memory over his flesh, Illumi would do the same and ingrain himself in the spoken essence of his being-- the word Hisoka.

They kissed eachother again, and they breathed in ashes in the space of their joined lips.

\---

Illumi stirred awake after having dozed off in his bed with Hisoka next to him. They had both fallen asleep, completely spent as the sun hung high in the afternoon sky and filtered into the room through his white curtains. Hisoka’s damp hair was mussed over his closed eyes as he lightly slept with a peaceful, satisfied expression inches away from Illumi’s curled body.

Illumi shifted with a muted sigh and pressed his face against his pillow to block out the bothersome sun. It was still the same day, and he would eventually have to get up to get cleaned up (and clean his sheets as well) before leaving for the manor to report what he’d been told of Hisoka’s past. But it didn’t have to be immediately.

Illumi closed his eyes and exhaled deeply, basking in the silence of the room that settled after hours of perturbing softness, eyelashes brushing on cheeks and mutual clinginess as he gasped and came while riding Hisoka for the second time, gentle touches and quiet moans and panting, all while staring at each other. It was a blistering softness that claimed Illumi, and he felt drowned in it as he returned it back with equal force.

The peak of his riled emotions had climaxed and rode down with the sun’s slow path to descent and as Illumi lay awake next to Hisoka, he was filled with a newfound wave of confusion. They had exposed fragments of memories to eachother and exposed themselves further with their intimacy, having marked their presence into eachother’s skin and name, respectively. And yet Illumi didn’t understand what Hisoka had to gain from the deal they’d made even while understanding Illumi would report his story to his parents. Illumi opened his eyes and was met with gold.

“You’re awake.”

The gold felt as bothersome as the afternoon sun and Illumi closed his eyes against it, pressing further into the pillow below his head. He huffed in response-- he had to be productive sooner rather than later, as oddly reluctant he felt to do as such. Right before he was set to get up, Hisoka trapped him with a leg draped over him. Illumi sighed and Hisoka looked down at him in a smiled challenge. Gold met black. Might as well use the time to make him answer the question on his mind.

“Why was your condition an equal exchange of information? What is your gain from having me answer any question about me to your choosing, at the expense of your privacy?” Illumi pinned him with a wide stare. Hisoka blinked and wrapped an arm around him as he hummed.

“There are three main reasons.”

“Explain.”

Hisoka chuckled at the demand. “Guess.”

Illumi’s lips tugged downward at the corners. He gave in to the challenge and thought of his best reasoning.

“Because, like you said, equivalent exchange for the sake of fairness. And to allow neither of us to have an advantage over the other.”

“That is one reason.”

Illumi hummed and his eyes blinked upwards to think. He came up with nothing.

“For your own entertainment, if I had to guess.”

“Close. But not exactly.” Hisoka pressed a kiss to his forehead and Illumi wrinkled his nose, “I want to know more about you than anyone else does to keep you all to myself.”

Illumi met gold again. Hisoka wanted to own him, but he could understand that kind of possessiveness. He felt the same sense of possessiveness for things he’d consider to be his. Illumi wanted to own Killua. Illumi wanted to own Alluka. He thought about it, before it dawned on him that he wanted to own Hisoka, too.

He blinked. “I understand that feeling.”

Hisoka's eyes widened a fraction in surprise and a grin stretched over his face over the implication of his words-- the implication unspoken but ever-present that Hisoka was his, because Illumi wanted him.

“Oh Illumi, you know just what to say to make me feel aroused.”

Illumi snaked his arms around Hisoka and pulled his elbows upwards, stopping his hands’ steady descent towards Illumi’s ass. Their noses touched at the tip. Hisoka held him for a moment with a comfortable quietness, and Illumi held him back. “And the third reason?”

“The third reason is that I love you.”

Illumi blinked and continued staring into gold. The rays of sunlight streamed in the room reflected off the gold of them. 

Illumi shifted away from Hisoka to reach for his pants thrown hazardously on the floor next to the bed and fished through the pockets. He found his phone and curled back up next to Hisoka, who was watching him with a curious grin. Illumi silently pulled up a contact. The sound of his fingers tapping against his screen was the only sound in the room.

“What are you doing?”

“Nothing.”

The distance between them didn’t permit Illumi to react fast enough to bring his phone out of reach from Hisoka’s hands, and it was promptly snatched away from him. Illumi narrowed his eyes at Hisoka but otherwise let him read the text that he had just sent.

_Illumi: 12:15pm--- Hello, father. Gathering intel on Hisoka will take longer than expected, therefore I believe it will be more worthwhile to continue with my missions as usual. That will allow me to deal with two matters at once while maintaining connections with our clients. I do not yet have any information on Hisoka besides the fact that he has unstable bank fees and buys gum regularly from the same exporter, and I can imagine it staying this way for a long duration of time._

“You are lying to your parents for my sake.”

Illumi didn’t say anything and snatched his phone back from Hisoka, who kept staring at him with a largely pleased smile and eyebrows shot upwards.

“You love me too.”

“No.” Illumi kept staring at his phone to avoid meeting Hisoka’s gaze which he was sure was stuck in a wide grin. 

Hisoka put a hand over his and brought the phone down, catching Illumi’s attention as he met warmth in golden orbs. When Hisoka leaned in to kiss him, Illumi’s eyes fluttered shut, and he kissed him back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i was gonna make this cracky bc i thought of illumi trying to scam hisoka by trying to get him to tell him his social security number but it turned into this and like...... the little angel on my left shoulder told me to write something self-indulgent and sad and cute instead.
> 
> (they r both very disturbed individuals bc of their unfortunate childhood circumstances but they also compliment eachother very well and are very good for eachother)
> 
> (also imagine being chrollo, getting a text from ur crush after months of no communication only for them to ask u to give them information on ur rival)


End file.
